People of Fungus

i have decided to try and start a new trend soon as of last haloween. i need a new gimmic that everyone will pretend to like for thing of the day. my ideas are as follows...

so if this is any help then please let me know on the following number..

0988 GAY-CHAT

yours sincerely..

doc emmett l brown

Potato?

interesting...

Hello fellow citizens of Zalagotha

i would like to say that my new thing of the day is going to be a random comment of the day..i agree...partly strange but also partly woowoo.com . today..i venture into the unknown world of ...papermache!!

did you know...according to me, papermache is not even a proper word, it is an aboriginal word for 'ticket inspector on the 127 bus' dating back to teh early 27th century..... this information can be backed up by looking at the web site which will be up and running in approx. 490 years

regards

me

I would like to talk about the art of rug munching...

you get a rug..put it in your mouth and munch..its pretty straight forward really...

tales from the sea...

ayy..i was once a fisherman sailing the ocean in search of the perfect herring....only to find my travels were shortened due to the increase in the number of 'S's in Mississippi.....i was told to sail round the ferret-shaped lagoon three times the amount of 'S's in this word....so i went round 12 times ..and to my amusement, they laughed at me from a distance....there is only one 'S' in 'thiS word'...

...damn jokers those nazis...

Bayda

for all of you that ever wondered the origins of the shoe polish...let me tell you this right now....its black with a little difference.. and that difference makes all the difference..the difference is that you can't tell the difference between thsi difference and the different kinds of differences available...

yours gracefully

pooh bear

so while i was walking my dog in hampstead heath one never, i came upon a bear named harry. harry said to me "piss of..i'm a bear, not a squirrel!"

brought to you by london buses..making london simple

i bought a dodgy watch from a man named moe...sometimes it works..sometimes it doesn't..thats just the risk you take buying goods from a man eating a cold kebab.

bayda

i was always told something that stuck with me since i was 77...

never trust a man with six fingers or a woman with a goat. those who ignore this rule will often be terrorists or smell of out-of-date bacon.

bayda

i never understand why people make risotto using long grain rice..the pure starchy nature of the meqal requires a starchy grain...its mind boggling!!

i mean come on.......arborio!

Bayda

I am worried. Bayda is approaching Jammyploy-esque levels of bonkersness.

I will however quickly retract this comment due to the sheer infinite reach of Jammyploy bonkersness, that which Bayda and Malcolm can only dare aspire to.

Bayda, you have much to learn. You are not a Jedi yet. How can I teach him? The boy has no underpants.

Sammyboy

thank you for your concern ye-ole-gerbill..

while i fully admire jammyploy and your underpants, my madness is a sheer blend of wit, crazyness, baydaness and a rich host of aromatic spices. how can i join the dark side?...i am wearing a yellow hat.

regards for now..

bayda - sheer king of the universe, home counties region

big dilema here...

man with no oats or a scally wag with wings?....i am no good at decisions...and the worst thing is..i only have one set of bats!

help me obi wan kenobi..you're my only hope...

princess bayda of skywalkerville

That's no moon... it's a space station!

Use the force bayda. We've got to give Han time to get those pants down.

now i know i am not the only person who thinks there is a small chance that ducks and camels may be related - even if just by marriage..but all i ask is the chance to prove the existance of the cross breeds...i mean if all that is stopping my prize winning findings is a small trip to ghana..i am sure that someone will help me...
damn this really pissess me off severly..but in a good way..no..its really bad..like old fish

bayda..i think

Speaking of cheese...

has anyone ever looked at a piece of stilton or gorgonzola and ever thought...what the hell!!!!...i wanted salami!!!..i do it all the time.

bayda - local butcher and a hell of a nice guy

i was watching the goat channel on tv - channel 55378008 for those of you with calculators...and realised three things..

1 - goats are in no way related to humans
2 - goats are in no way related to malcolm
d - goats don't eat badgers..often

to find out more..speak to your local goat.

bayda - we look after our people

why is it that whenever you make a cup of tea and put too much much milk in, a huge robot pops out from the mug and tries to bite your head off?

i dont know...maybe the milk is out of date..i better check that one.

bayda - concerned citizen

i tried to call my local take-away last week and they were not in .... i am not happy..i really fancied a curry..it would have gone down well with that 83 merlot i recieved from my uncle dan...some people just don't understand..

bayda - cheesed off

those of you who were lucky enough to witness my legendry trick involving a spoon and two nuns will be equally interested in my new illusion ... i can't say too much..but if you are allergic to both tea-cups and bearded women, stay well clear of stone henge next friday...

oh..its on!!

bayda 'who'dini

you know the joke about the vicar and the eel? damn good one..

just ask arthur... he tells it better than me

bayda - not too good at telling eel jokes.

so yeah..this is my shopping list for this week..

2 eggs (preferably containing dinosaurs)
3 cartons of breast milk
22 pieces of wild boar salami (approx. the size of my hand when doing the scary hand shape)
1/2 bar of milky way
repair kit for my 1978 star wars death star
7 bananas
3 belgians
2 loaves of fresh bread made last month
more milk
2 lemons called nigel
prawns..i do like my prawns
12 of those things that look like king ..cant remember..green and squidgy
2 mugs of sugar
1 video containg the funniest moments from the dean martin show

now i need a trolly

bayda - where good food costs less

That's green, squidgy and HOT.

at this minute in time....this is what i am doing..

i am drinking a cup of tea that has brewed for no less than 4 minutes. it is served with a swivle of skimmed milk and no sugar, as i am sweet enough - i thank you.

in addition..i am wearing a nike t-shirt and some levis combats..sitting in my room awaiting the end of the world..i may be here some time...but i think it's worth the wait. Arnie has just been voted ruler of Cape Town and the most famous rio is no longer a city..i also feel that cleaning my ears at some point will benefit myself and those around me because i think hearing is a must..not just a luxury.

also my head hurts.

bayda von googleheim

i believe it was willie nelson who stated..."I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you".

i am not 100% sure, but i think that was covered by slipknot in their recent tour 'Jumping with Squirrels'. if it is, i think this is a fair point to raise....one is crazy for trying.

for all other enquiries, please press 9.

Bayda - Sorry..your number is in a que..please read the paper and get back to us when you have finished the recruitment section

i am not going to be available to write a comment tomorrow (saturday) due to a flood in my left foot..so i shall make this extra special....

come on england..win it.....

come on bayda..smell it....

come on elvis...live it......

come on Barney Rubble.......Laugh it.....


Bayda - Signing out..Yabadabadoo

i had decided to take a couple days off this site for fear of my health...wise choice i believe..as did the rabbi

for today, i would like everyone to imagine a squirrel going by the name of rohan and pretend it has stabbed a figurine resembling the back of a toothbrush...this may lead to better things in all our lives...if not..it will at least clean the gum of my shoes..

bayda

I decided to take a new approach to job hunting today. i put on my hat and took a sword onto the bus. then, when arriving in my local town, i swung the weapon and threatend to kill everyone in sight..

i am still waiting for offers..

Bayda - a good communicator and punctual.

i looked on my calendar today only to discover it has no dates on it...nor any pictures..nor any elvis-related theme....then i realised...that isnt a calendar..its a mirror .... damn i'm wierd.

Bayda adyaB

A guy down the market was trying to sell me a pair of shoes..fair enough, he was only doing his job...but why the hell was he trying to sell me a size 14 for my left and a size 15 for my right? honestly..somethimes i wonder why i bother..

all i say us..next time i think i may go arabian style and wear nothing...on my feet that is..

bayda..preparing for cut feet

I know i am getting old...

Yesterday, on the bus to Croydon, i saw a group of 15 year old girls on the bus drinking, smoking and being loud..the first thing that came to my mind.......

"what would their parents think of them?"

i think its time reasses my life..maybe i am one big kid with no afro..how did that happen?

Bayda..have u seen my childhood?

how can people make apple pies without making a hole in the pastry on top..i mean it doesnt take an idiot to realise that the apples will let out steam and moisten an unopened pastry lid...

now come on...who wants a soggy tart?

Bayda Rhodes

its always wierd when you walk into a shop for the first time and see the face of a buldog in the window..it makes you think of those special christmas nights all alone with friends....ahhh..magic moments!

bayda - quality street

you know how dogs only ruled the world for seven years....what would happen if waterpolo was the national sport for the same amount of time..the sheer shibbyness would overcome my powers as an chimp-tester to throw me rigth of course..

please sir..can i have some more sir....

its time..feed the chickens...

bayda twist

a cynic..... a person who knows everything and believes nothing

bayda

a cabbage is only a cabbage if you really want it to be one....

i had one last month..longed for a squirrel...and it wasn't a cabbage any more...

it may have been a figurine of Raphael from Turtles..but at least it wasn't a cabbage!

Bayda...Hey Presto!

News alert!!

Missing monkeys found in apartment shaved!

Police suspect is 44 year old man named dave...and yes...he does smell of fish.

bayda - NYPD

To be, or not to be? that is the question..whether tis noble....na..stuff that saying..

rub-a-dub dub..thanks for the grub.

arsecrack

bayda - ouch

Just for all of you..incase you forgot..today is that day we all put our clocks back.....

mine is so far back that its only company is my old pair of shoes from 9th grade..

maybe a little harsh..but it needs to be taught...

bayda...this parrot is dead!

oompa lompa oompa dee doo....i've got a secret puzzle for you..

you shall live in happiness too..like the oompa loompa oompa loompa dee doo!

bayda wonka

under strengths you have put accounts....under weaknesses..you've put eczema..

The Office - Series 2

Bayda Brent - Booyakasha

with three men in a boat you can be sure one man will fart too loud and cause some sort of explosion on that boat. if i were you, i would take three ducks to every man ..this way you can rely on the ducks to go to shore for help..alternitavely, you can be quiet and eat your baked beans!

bayda..shut it!

Life is like a box of chocolates...

its always the damn reject that is left with the orange flavoured one...

bayda..longing for a prailine

......what?...are you expecting me to say something witty? something funny?

hows this for funny....... poopooh head! there we go...5th grade comedy

bayda.. a.k.a mr pooby pants

..yeah..

bayda

yes..its all good...

mr mageeka...mr ed....mr potato head..yes..its all good.....one big mountain of heros...woohoo

bayda

seven weeks 2 days till christmas....the first noel......

bayda claus..ho ho ho

todays something of the day is as follows...

mooble van hussa walla flip flop

i thank you

bayda

i believe in a thing called love.......the darkness...'nuff said

bayda - gaybar!