He'll be missed.
Some classics:
"The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow."
"And in a packed programme tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks it's better than sitting around doing nothing."
"The perfect crime was committed last night, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets. Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on."
"Solomon F. Potts, America's most persistent practical joker, was buried today. He's not dead, it's just the neighbours getting their own back."