Sammyboy and I have a particular method for initiating conversation on MSN. Below are examples:

Sunday, January 28, 2007 04:06:08
Sam: ah, dr mcspang head
Jonathan: yes
Jonathan: what's going down in groove town?
Sam: sandwiches
Jonathan: tasty
Jonathan: what flavour?
Sam: concrete
Jonathan: they say concrete sandwiches never go deaf
Sam: flavour of the month

Sunday, February 4, 2007 13:15:49
Jonathan: bass! how low can you go?
Sam: 7
Jonathan: correct!
Sam: i win !
Jonathan: yes, and your prize is a slap round the face with a car
Sam: beers chernard
Sam: just going to do my ironing boss, back in a bit
Jonathan: bosh

Tuesday, February 6, 2007 13:35:57
Sam: aha, monsieur le tits
Jonathan: with the wings of peas

Thursday, February 8, 2007 13:26:08
Sam: toss features!
Jonathan: slut face!
Sam: whore bitch!
Jonathan: fecj bint!
Sam: kringly knees!
Jonathan: spank mcspank mush!
Jonathan: ah, back for more monsieur le pants?
Sam: ah, front for less madame les t-shirts?

Tuesday, March 6, 2007 14:15:16
Sam: bonsoir monsieur le sporren
Jonathan: ah...loser. how's things?
Sam: spink spank sponk
Jonathan: good

Wednesday, March 7, 2007 14:33:25
Jonathan: schlag
Sam: bitchface
Jonathan: slutfeatures
Sam: whore-characteristics
Sam: cack
Sam: bitch
Sam: whore
Jonathan: lady-of-the-night qualities
Sam: indeed

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 15:10:39
Jonathan: ah, young loser
Sammyboy: ah, madame les twat munchers
Jonathan: yes
Sammyboy: no
Jonathan: indeed

Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:01:29
Jonathan: Ah loser
Sammyboy: Ah poohead
Jonathan: how's tricks?
Sammyboy: yes
Jonathan: good
Jonathan: me too

Sunday, March 25, 2007 15:04:39
Sammyboy: ah, feck-features
Jonathan: evening
Sammyboy: morning
Jonathan: no
Sammyboy: arse
Jonathan: bingly bong
Sammyboy: hows it hanging
Jonathan: down round my ankles
Jonathan: you?
Sammyboy: up round my ping pong

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 14:52:15
Sammyboy: ah, gaylord
Jonathan: tossface
Sammyboy: thats my name, dont wear it out
Jonathan: i won't. i wear out your other name instead, which is krangfeatures
Sammyboy: cheers
Jonathan: no worries Pringlehead
Sammyboy: how are the old tricks doing there
Jonathan: they are doing very well, though they are a bit old and a bit tricky
Sammyboy: i might have guessed. the old plinky plonkiness coming into effect there

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 14:52:25
Sammyboy: ah, McTwat features
Jonathan: bonjour mademoiselle
Sammyboy: le feck
Jonathan: indeed

Tuesday, April 3, 2007 15:20:04
Sammyboy: ah fish face
Jonathan: bienvenue
Sammyboy: bon chance
Jonathan: oui
Sammyboy: ca va?
Jonathan: oui. you?
Sammyboy: ja, le chat unter den linden
Sammyboy: but i cleaned it up
Jonathan: good

Monday, April 23, 2007 14:58:02
Sammyboy: i've got the corners look!
Jonathan: slut
Sammyboy: whore!
Jonathan: more more more!
Sammyboy: he gotta big face!!!!
Jonathan: ah, that's better
Sammyboy: madame de la fecj-features
Jonathan: baron von twat face
Sammyboy: anyway, after that scintillating conversation, i must go. speak soon punk
Jonathan: bosh

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 14:14:59
Sammyboy: SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jonathan: whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sammyboy: mooooooooooooooooooooooore mooooooooooooooooooore mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Jonathan: you got a big plaice!
Sammyboy: tit feet eyes
Jonathan: how's things then?
Sammyboy: yes, no and in that order

Tuesday, May 29, 2007 22:44:59
Sammyboy: ah, tosspiece
Nendinho: bonjour you schlag
Sammyboy: whats going down in fecktown
Nendinho: a load of fecjing feck
Nendinho: what about in krangtown?
Sammyboy: lots of krang and a bit of krang for good measure
Nendinho: excellent. glad we got that one cleared up

Monday, June 4, 2007 22:51:39
Sammyboy: ah. twatty mcbollocks
Nendinho: schlag
Sammyboy: no
Nendinho: yes
Sammyboy: no
Nendinho: no
Sammyboy: yes
Nendinho: punk
Sammyboy: bitch
Nendinho: yes
Sammyboy: hows it going me old cockney sparrow

I just read all of that. Masterful. Try starting a Fest thread along the same lines. One response per day and see how long you can go for =)

More opening gambits

12/06/2007 22:54:07 Sam Nendinho slut!
12/06/2007 22:54:21 Nendinho Sam bitch
12/06/2007 23:04:19 Sam Nendinho yes
12/06/2007 23:04:58 Nendinho Sam krang

18/06/2007 22:53:04 Sam Nendinho tit
18/06/2007 22:53:17 Nendinho Sam nipple
18/06/2007 22:53:30 Sam Nendinho flan
18/06/2007 22:53:48 Nendinho Sam toast
18/06/2007 22:55:43 Sam Nendinho duck
18/06/2007 22:55:57 Nendinho Sam frisbee
18/06/2007 22:56:14 Sam Nendinho savlon
18/06/2007 22:56:29 Nendinho Sam mmm...chop juice

20/06/2007 23:00:45 Sam Nendinho cockmuncher
20/06/2007 23:01:51 Nendinho Sam fecj minger
20/06/2007 23:07:54 Sam Nendinho no
20/06/2007 23:08:11 Nendinho Sam no
20/06/2007 23:10:23 Sam Nendinho no
20/06/2007 23:10:40 Nendinho Sam YES!
20/06/2007 23:10:47 Sam Nendinho crumpets
20/06/2007 23:11:03 Nendinho Sam have it, you minger
20/06/2007 23:11:19 Sam Nendinho dirty schlag
20/06/2007 23:11:34 Nendinho Sam thankyou

07/09/2007 23:52:17 Jonathan - foolish Sam aha! rossiter!
07/09/2007 23:53:10 Sam Jonathan - foolish aha. porcupine duffel bag trousers!

17/02/2008 13:56:25 Sam Jon Juan aha! monsieur le cack
17/02/2008 14:02:22 Jon Juan Sam bonjour, have to go i'm afraid matey. bosh.
17/02/2008 14:03:20 Sam Jon Juan le toss

08/07/2008 20:53:16 Sammyboy Nendinho ah. tit
08/07/2008 20:53:42 Nendinho Sammyboy bonjour, you big feckwit
08/07/2008 20:53:51 Sammyboy Nendinho oui. plume de me troll
08/07/2008 20:54:14 Nendinho Sammyboy bosh
08/07/2008 20:54:24 Sammyboy Nendinho hows goes it
08/07/2008 20:54:36 Nendinho Sammyboy not too bad, yourself?
08/07/2008 20:55:04 Sammyboy Nendinho oui. not bad. combien le arsene wenger?
08/07/2008 20:55:26 Nendinho Sammyboy que?
08/07/2008 20:55:41 Sammyboy Nendinho il porte les pantalons?
08/07/2008 20:56:10 Nendinho Sammyboy not today thank you, i'm shaving my head
08/07/2008 20:57:18 Nendinho Sammyboy what's going down in groove town
08/07/2008 20:58:12 Sammyboy Nendinho spicy meat-a-balls

11/07/2008 21:47:01 Sammyboy Nendinho ah filthy fool
11/07/2008 21:47:18 Nendinho Sammyboy buongiorno
11/07/2008 21:47:29 Sammyboy Nendinho krang
11/07/2008 21:47:39 Nendinho Sammyboy yes
11/07/2008 21:49:16 Sammyboy Nendinho how goes it
11/07/2008 21:49:40 Nendinho Sammyboy yes
11/07/2008 21:49:43 Nendinho Sammyboy it goes
11/07/2008 21:49:48 Sammyboy Nendinho good
11/07/2008 21:49:57 Nendinho Sammyboy how about you?
11/07/2008 21:50:06 Sammyboy Nendinho yes it goes here too
11/07/2008 21:50:48 Nendinho Sammyboy excellent. anything interesting happened recently?
11/07/2008 21:51:23 Sammyboy Nendinho a squirrel
11/07/2008 21:51:41 Nendinho Sammyboy squirrels - scum
11/07/2008 21:53:56 Sammyboy Nendinho scum - squirrels
11/07/2008 21:54:35 Nendinho Sammyboy squim - scurrels
11/07/2008 21:55:29 Sammyboy Nendinho yes yes i know yes

25/08/2008 23:16:33 Nendinho Sam bosh
25/08/2008 23:16:48 Sam Nendinho tosh
25/08/2008 23:16:54 Nendinho Sam nosh
25/08/2008 23:17:17 Sam Nendinho dosh
25/08/2008 23:17:31 Nendinho Sam cosh
25/08/2008 23:17:51 Sam Nendinho spank!
25/08/2008 23:18:00 Nendinho Sam ouch!
25/08/2008 23:19:24 Sam Nendinho hoi!
25/08/2008 23:21:22 Nendinho Sam yes
25/08/2008 23:21:37 Sam Nendinho no

09/09/2008 21:38:59 Sam Nendinho ah, exploding monster munch pamphlet
09/09/2008 21:39:16 Nendinho Sam yes
09/09/2008 21:39:44 Nendinho Sam what is it you big piece of spank flavoured muppet hair
09/09/2008 21:40:08 Sam Nendinho i thought you ought to know that you are a complete cock-features
09/09/2008 21:40:27 Nendinho Sam yes, i know, you utter twat. what's new?
09/09/2008 21:40:43 Sam Nendinho la plume de ma kringle-krang
09/09/2008 21:40:55 Nendinho Sam bingle feck
09/09/2008 21:41:01 Sam Nendinho no
09/09/2008 21:41:07 Nendinho Sam yes
09/09/2008 21:41:16 Sam Nendinho yes
09/09/2008 21:41:26 Nendinho Sam no! no! no!
09/09/2008 21:41:38 Sam Nendinho damn, i hadn't thought of that
09/09/2008 21:41:51 Nendinho Sam ha!

21/10/2008 22:47:10 Sam Nendinho spank!
21/10/2008 22:47:32 Nendinho Sam crank!
21/10/2008 22:48:44 Sam Nendinho flank!
21/10/2008 22:48:54 Nendinho Sam plank!
21/10/2008 22:49:50 Sam Nendinho flannel head!
21/10/2008 22:54:31 Nendinho Sam spaniel face!

23/03/2009 21:00:12 Sam Nendinho who gots da funk?
23/03/2009 21:00:36 Nendinho Sam mildred
23/03/2009 21:00:50 Sam Nendinho ah, i knew it. thieving minx
23/03/2009 21:01:48 Nendinho Sam yes, she is a whore

06/04/2009 22:45:32 Sam Nendinho ah, feck
06/04/2009 22:45:48 Nendinho Sam bonjour
06/04/2009 22:45:52 Sam Nendinho no
06/04/2009 22:46:09 Nendinho Sam ah but yes
06/04/2009 22:46:36 Sam Nendinho le crisps de mon pantalon
06/04/2009 22:47:37 Nendinho Sam dans le jardin avec Monsieur Pob et Madamoiselle Hairdryer Features

20/06/2007 23:07:54 Sam Nendinho no
20/06/2007 23:08:11 Nendinho Sam no
20/06/2007 23:10:23 Sam Nendinho no
20/06/2007 23:10:40 Nendinho Sam YES!

Well done. You bravely stepped up to prevent death by infinite loop.

Sorry this thread just made me cry so I had to bring it back to the top again.