oh, I thought she meant perving. Hence my confusion at how perving and bolts through the head can happen all in one sentence.

i thought you meant perving too... i was thinking, i dont remember tart perving at anyone...

so over all...

3/10... try harder next time...
(that reminds me of dave's card... maybe that should be documented here)

Yes it is strange that I didn't mention that in an earlier post AGES ago...

See Chapter: Dave. Wake up Hawkins!

I'm sure Tart did perv at people... anecdotes please.

Tart perving anecdote:

Who can forget that time when some luscious bit of totty was walking down the street and Tart said 'phwoar, look at that prime piece of crumpet, she can wax my snowboard any day of the week'?

(You had to be there).

(Query: do you wax snowboards? I suspect not, but I like the turn of phrase, so poo to you).

Character Profiles - Part 13

Daniel (Watts)

a.k.a. Dannyboy, 'Sums'

Dannyboy was in Batten House at Haileybury, an interesting one because we didn't generally get on with anyone outside Trevelyan/Thomason. He has therefore got some dodgy mates. Yes, thats right... us lot. Nice big house in Cambridge. Computer legend. Had a bonkers Hawaiian party a couple of years ago which was quality. Likes a bit of Basketball. International playboy and business entrepreneur.

Top 3 Anecdotes relating to Dannyboy

Luke Muir's speech at his birthday party. Luke Muir I always thought of as being one of the more bearable of the Batten/Lawrence crowd but was mildly shocked when he made the most cringe-worthy speech I have ever heard. First of all he talked about how Dan was always called 'Sums' because of his affiliation with Maths and Computers. This was a new one to us as we had always called him Dannyboy. He also referred to him as a 'jolly good egg'. A good slap was needed.

New Years/Birthday bashes - because Dan's birthday is very close to New Year he has 2 or 3 times done a party to cover both - they are normally ace. However one time all his Oxford mates turned up. It had a similar effect to when Noj invited his Cambridge mates round. The thing that really got to me was their version of how to play pool, which seemed to revolve around them winning a lot. Tossers.

His Dad makes things. You know... Things. Jobbies. Haha. Yes.

Currently: running his own company in Cambridge doing email sites/addresses etc. Planning on taking over the world shortly.

Ahh the infamous ‘Cuppers’ incident…they really were wankers of the highest magnitude (sorry Danny). Though having said that it could just be that they thoroughly thrashed us and Dub and I are sore losers…nahh screw it we hated them on sight, tosspots the lot of them.

I’m sure they’re lovely once you get to know them Sums.

Character Profiles - Part 14

Matthew (Williams)

a.k.a. Williams

Williams was developed over a number of millennia by a team of covert software junkies intent on bringing the fastest land-speed potato-guzzler to fruition. Matt sprang to Badgerfest consciousness with his dry humour, computer know-how and lovely t-shirts. Started off in Russell Dore with Pete before transferring to Melvill (seriously). Wrote the Haileyburian by himself while Noj, Flint-Cahan and myself mused upon whether a photo of a lovely flower could be put on the front cover.

Top 3 Anecdotes related to Williams

Potatoes - during a gathering a couple of years back, Williams decided it would be fantastic to eat his own bodyweight in potatoes. Riley stop laughing.

Walking everywhere - whether we are in Hertford, Cardiff, Outer Mongolia or Mars, Williams will ALWAYS try to walk back to Hertford Heath from it. Come rain, snow, tornadoes and blizzards you will be able to see him on slow motion replays wearing no more than a thin t-shirt.

Balancing things on his head while he is asleep (with his eyes open) - this often happened in Tart's TV room after a bit of a heavy night. At about midnight you could just see the eyelids going a bit. When he started snoring I would begin balancing things on his forehead. Sometimes he would wake up.

Currently: running Data Connection and sprinting between Hertford Heath and Brixton.

I have a mainly Tart related story for the general consumption of the audience. Here's how it went down:

One summer's eve whilst tucking into Tea in the dining hall (to which I may come later) a certain Anna Huxter happened to mention the following: Whilst attending role call for hockey practice on the balcony by the swimming pool (that's where the role-call was, not the hockey), she happened to notice the cream of the upper sixth arrayed below her attending role-call for swimming. (When I say cream I mean that we were all rather pasty and probably smelled slightly funny...yes I was there baring my ribs for all to see.) So, what did she do with this impressive display of flesh displayed for her viewing pleasure? She mentioned to her equally female friends just how attractive she found a certain part of Tart's anatomy.

Her very words were, "Chris has got really nice wrists hasn't he?"

Yep she liked his wrists.

Why she decided to say this out loud is unknown. Why she admitted it in a crowded dining hall is also a mystery. Why she picked out his wrists...theories abound. The one that put forward by the girl herself is that she sat down the row from him in Physics and, glancing down the bench, she just happened to notice.

I reckon she just had a fetish.

The really strange thing is her compatriots did not mock but merely looked, analysed and then agreed. The mocking came later.

The moral? If you see a Huxter, present her with a wrist...she'll thank you for it.

There are other parts of your anatomy you can use to woo a Huxster but this is a family website and I don't want to give all my secrets away.

well if tshe's anything like me she'll be in to plaited nostril hair and curly toenails. phwoar.

Let's play a nice fun game for all the family...

Having finally escaped run-ins with Dave in Hertford, I find myself working next door to another famous Haileybury twat.

Guess who it is.

Pass it Jamie?

Nope.

and i've been right about everything ever since!

I reckon it's Newbery.

Wrong again.

Ok Ween isnt allowed to play as I told him who it was at the weekend.

I'll give you a big clue Jonnyboy: at the 5-year reunion he chatted complete bollocks to us for about half an hour and neither of us could remember a word of it.

Also, I remembered I had promised to do a post on the fabled Dartmouth trip.

Basically, in the summer of our A-level results we (Tart, Bex, Noj, Ellie, Kat, Pete, Drew, Warren and Me - have I missed anyone out?) went down to Tart's parents place in Dartmouth and totally slobbed out for a week.

Highlights included: lots of Goldeneye, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, debates on whether 'Alive' by Pearl Jam was better than 'Just' by Radiohead. Cornish pasties, throwing chips at seagulls which went onto someone's boat, singing 'Ferry... cross the DART', going down to the water's edge in the pitch black which was great... er, playing lots of card games into the night (canasta?), trying to stay up for 24 hours and failing at the last moment, beer (obviously), sleeping til noon unless you were Pete in which case sleeping until 6pm, lots of naughty substances, frisbee...

Good times... good times. As always, any memorable anecdotes welcome.

AU-S?

No-one has guessed my mystery Haileybury tosspot yet...

I bumped into him again on Friday, where he proceeded to tell me about the operation he was about to have to remove the growth from his inner thigh.

Has to go down as one of the strangest conversations I've had. Come on Jonnyboy you should know this by now.

Yeah, sorry I knew ages ago, cos Ween told me. I didn't bother posting that I knew cos I couldn't be arsed. Also, the others can still guess this way.

Turnbull?

You see, there were so many random tosspots we're having a hard time narrowing them down.

Rodders?

this is doing my head in...
i know the answer but dont want to spoil the fun for everyone!

hint - we've seen him in hertford a few times.... was in RDr

Pete?

Can't be arsed to read back through the posts so I don't know if anyone said it...
Simon Wade?

Robbie 'Not Robert' Walker?

Tart, you win.

Your prize is me not killing you.

Congratulations Mr Walker you have guessed correctly.

Thats right folks, I am working in the next door office to Si Wade. As I say I have bumped into him a couple of times, and he took great pride in telling me about his impending operation.

Get well soon Simon.

oooh what do i win ? ?

As Jonnyboy said:



Well done. You remain alive damn you.

Just wanted to bring this to the top again

Am thinking of publishing it

You all know my Memory is shot to peices for Obvious reasons, However I'm sure there's more that we haven't covered in the Anecdotal style which should be.

I think we can still go deeper into the Dave thing. Sounds disgusting I know. But we omitted the Beer Chaperone Instance that finally did it for him. & chanting Dave is a Twat at Marno's Party with Dave threatening to Bottle me.

Sloppies: I seem to recall getting it horribly wrong, when asked my Age I answered "17" thinking I was being really sly. He still let me in.

There was a huge amount of French spoken metween me and Tart that infamous night of Clarke's Free Bar (Anyone else see the flaw in that plan from the start?) and you didnt mention that I think we ALL gatecrashed. The funny thing about this is that I failed French A level but that night on a SERIOUS amount of Vodka I was as fluent as Victor Hugo. The Moral, Get pissed for French Exams, let's face it... they all are.

I'm sure more things happened in Tarts Back Yard ... Shoes in rivers rings bells.. anyone?

Dare I bring up the sheer volume of numbers that A certain Kicking K has dealt with... you know who you are. (Maybe a section... "The Dark Side of the 'Fest"?)

One thing I do regret is that we didn't smash enough things. We missed out there.

HA! I'd forgotten our Debbie McGee discussion. Legendary!

I can do that.

Not sure if I can make it funny...

Once again the Hertford Posse was out 'down town', once again Dave had tagged along despite not being invited and once again we were in the...umm pub whose name I can't remember...now the Stonehouse?

Anyway, I was in the middle of not talking to Dave while he was 18 (an achievement that was made much easier by this little episode and an achievement for which Drew still owes me a tenner) and was having a little trouble as he did insist on asking me questions (nod and smile, nod and smile). Anyway at some point nature called for our friend Dave; still having half a pint of beer he entrusted it to me to safeguard until he got back.

This was an honour that I really didn't want.

So I passed the beer to Kat. She passed the beer to Tart. Tart drank the beer.

When Dave got back he asked me for his beer, I shrugged and pointed to Kat, who shrugged and pointed to Tart, who shrugged and pointed to an empty glass. At which point Dave lost it, shouting something along the lines of "You don't like me, you've never liked me, you're not my friends!" before storming off.

Silence.

We all then let off a huge sigh of relief and we toasted our success at finally making an ex-'friend', someone we no longer had to put up with, and someone whose terrible SpaG would cause much future merriment.

I actually LOL'd reading that and the sudden flood of recollection. We we wandering around Hertford town center looking for more alcohol to buy at about 11:45pm and seem to remember missing out on most of the calamity. Much French was spoken though, but I do doubt the quality of it...

Did anyone see the classic Dave-ism in the most recent Haileybury Society update? He's really outdone himself this time!

Enjoy.

David Stevenson (Ha 94) was recently mentioned in an article in the Hertfordshire Mercury on 31st August 2007 titled 'David's getting a taste of French Cafe Society'. He is a singer/songwriter that performed at the Cafe de Paris in Coventry Street. He has newly completed his self-funded album Acoustic Sessions featuring tracks such as This City, Hold On and Nothing I can Do. He currently works at Which? Magazine in Gascoyne Way. David is already creating a storm on the 'myspace' website and is gigging a lot in the capital, as well as at local venues.

Cock.

Just bringing it to the front page again.

After 5 years it's back to the top. It's an amazing read. Also I saw this:



So is this the general plan for Dartmouth in September then?

I just had to exhume this thread so I could explain to Jess why Mango hijacked her book face conversation with an 'I took prep' quote.

Can we expand, print and publish a short booklet for posterity? I think future generations deserve to know what fabulous humans we were.

Thanks King, yes I think there should definitely be a 'hard copy' version, I could add a foreword and do a directors cut style version.

Is there anything that needs to be added? Suggestions welcome.

Also re your post, I would like to think we are all still fabulous humans present tense!

There she is, hiding in the undergrowth.

Of course we're still fabulous, but once we're gone future generations must be informed of the fact.

Ah yes, bon punt

I feel we should continue to add to it. I'm sure the mini-badgers will also be contributing shenanigans as the years go by. (We could start Nik's now, but it would mostly consist of stories of hiding pegs down drains, giggling until he falls over and clapping a lot.)

There he is, not hiding in the overgrowth.

I took prep once.