No, that's The Daily Mail.

Though the Telegraph does seem to make an exception for the French.

Mission: Impossible 3
Ethan Hunt,now retired from active duty and engaged to a nurse (Michelle Monaghan), is drawn back into service to rescue a protege from the clutches of dastedly arms dealer Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Something that causes no end of problems for an increasingly flustered Hunt.
Let's get this out of the way; it's the best M:I film yet. Not an overly difficult challenge IMHO but still, a good sign. JJ Abrams has stamped his mark on the franchise with some flair: IMF (that's Impossible Mission Force folks) is shown as a large government agency complete with techies and red tape (Simon Pegg pops up to steal the showwith some lovely, jittery maguffin talk) and the missions are executed with a finesse and explosive pace that is almost unmatched.
The problems come in linking the action together; Tom Cruise spends most of his time running around like Jack Bauer being fed the plot by mobile phone. Frankly he doesn't have the emotional chops for the desperate, agent on the edge, 'Don't you hurt her, or else!' schtick that Keifer has made his own.
Hoffman is just the right side of hammy in a towering villanous role but then fades a bit from importance when an all-too-familiar mole-in-the-camp strand lights up leaving him to chew the scenery and exit just when it's getting good.
So good stuff, but it's just not Bourne.
3.9/5

The Da Vinci Code:

So, I went to see it. I was hoping that I could write an amusing review in which I slated the film and Tom Hanks' hair in comedic fashion. However, everyone else in the world has already done that so it would be kind of unoriginal.
So, jokes aside, the film is BORING. Yeah, the book was written in Dan Brown's 'characters only say things to explain the plot to other characters' moronic style, but at least it was fun. Somehow, although all the same things happen in the film, it all seems so dull on screen. Even the best bit in the book (where Leigh Teabing tells the others that there's a woman in Da Vinci's Last Supper) loses it's impact on the screen. This is partly because when you're reading the book, you don't have a copy of the Last Supper to hand, so you start thinking 'I need to see the painting NOW!' Ron Howard shows you the painting NOW and the reaction is 'oh yeah, it does look like a woman'. Sucks the excitement out of it.
Much as I've never been a Tom Hanks fan, it's Ron Howard's fault that this is so crap. He feels the need to hit you over the head with every idea in the plot until even the dimmest people in the audience will have got it. The visuals are unimaginative and boring (the flashbacks look like the reconstructions they do on Crimewatch).
Tom Hanks reads his lines, Audrey Tautou mostly just looks pretty. Even Jean Reno is dull in this. So, it's left to Ian McKellen to carry the whole film (which is difficult as he doesn't appear until halfway through).
I get the feeling I've done a bit of a Ron Howard and hit you all over the head until you understand how dull it is - sorry about that.

2/5. Dull.

I've read so many reviews now that say its shite boring so I think I might actually save my cinema ticket and invest it in my new rap label 'FUCK YOU NIGGA FUCK SHIT GLOCK' productions. Thanks John.

Wise. Definitely don't waste your money on it, even to see how shit it is. That was a mistake on my part.

Hot Fuzz Production Diaries watch what Spaced does next.

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

Pleasant, well-acted, didn't blow me away though.

Someone been watching Ghostbusters II? It's a classic.

'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

Pleasant, well-acted, didn't blow me away though.'


You are wrong- it's a flaming load of bollocks. Maybe I'll give it 2 points for the start which was 10 times better than the rest of it. I much preferred the bbc series with bucked tooth lucy.

does this sound like the name of a punk band to anyone else? no? just me. alright then.

I agree; the movie was terrible.

I just re-watched Hitchcock's "The Lady Vanishes"--fantastic stuff--evil mastermind, tea, and bizarre folk music all wrapped up in one.

yeah a sort of precocious teen punk band though with an irritating 'bac to the 80's' dress style....when i say irritating dress code i have the likes of pixie and peaches geldof in mind.

WEDDING CRASHERS

(Ok ok, before you start, my flatmate rented it and I had nothing better to do the other night ok? And I like Vince Vaughn so I thought I'd give it a chance.)

The plot: Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are two 'Divorce Mediators' (what a hellish job) who every year go through a phase of, yep, you guessed it, crashing weddings. There are all sorts of rules about what you are allowed to do and not allowed to do. The chief purpose obviously being to bed as many tasty single women as possible and then leg it. Things change when they crash the biggest event of the year at the wedding of the daughter of a leading poltician (Christopher Walken). Vaughn ends up with the crazy daughter (Isla Fisher - remember her? Home and Away?) and Wilson falls for the gorgeous but flakey other sister (Rachel McAdams). Hilarity ensues.

The verdict: All the bits you've seen on the trailers (champagne, women, champagne) happens in the first ten minutes which is like a bad music video. Cut, cut, edit, edit which leaves you with a bit of a headache. Then it slows right down in an attempt to make two separate stories last an hour and a half. Owen Wilson's half is a sloppy rom-com about a girl who well just gosh-darn-it cant make up her mind. Vaughn's half is basically Meet the Parents, only not as good. And I hate Meet the Parents. Will Ferrell appears for the last quarter of an hour to do some gurning just to add insult to injury.

2/10 and I'm being generous.

I am so glad someone else noticed that Meet The Parents is a steaming pile of turd. Hopefully this will lead to a mass 'coming out' of Meet The Parents' haters.

Next up, the world will realise just how irredeemably shite There's Something About Mary is.

Woah! You can't just steal my position on these 'comedies' and claim you never liked Ben Stiller/Will Ferrell/etc whilst proclaiming Anchorman and Team America works of genii.

Well you can...but the fact remains that the only funny Adam Sandler is a dead Adam Sandler (or one that sings at weddings).

I've not even bothered watching 'Mary but 'Parents was shite.

I'm not sure what my point was but you can bet your life it was a damn good one.

No King you just don't like any comedies at all. Apart from Spaced. We're hardly stealing your position on comedy.

I never got more than 10 minutes into parents, but have to plead guilty of enjoying There's something about mary, despite it not being very good.

Speaking of Comedy I watched Ferris Bueller again recently and was once again amazed at how good it is. also Coming to America - genius. GENIUS.

Hey, hey, hey! No-one but me can claim I laugh at nothing that wasn't created by Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg. I watched Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid the other day and chuckled throughout (I'll review it soon, bet you can't wait). Ferris Bueller, CTA, Trading Places, Man with two brains, The Aristocrats, Wallace & Gromit. Plenty of films to be laughing at. They just need to display some sort of intelligence.

My next post will be brought to you by the ejaculation: Oi!

HARD CANDY

The plot: 14 year old girl befriends 30-something year old man via chatroom and then holds him hostage in his own home to torture the cack out of him. Nice.

The verdict: This is harrowing viewing and certainly not for those of you of a nervous disposition. Not the sort of film I would normally go to see either but they were free preview tickets so what can you do? The acting itself is very good, particularly from the male lead (Patrick Wilson), however the girl (Ellen Page) is slightly too calm and clever for her own good and a bit obnoxious. There isn't a lot of build up and therefore you kind of launch straight into the nastiness which is the 'you-don't-see-much-but-the-terror-is-in-your-imagination' type of horror. Premise is original (victim/paedophile twist shocker), but you can't help feeling the editing is a bit snappy and we were able to pick quite a few holes in the plot - some of it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Oh by the way, the director is the guy who did the 'is it a he or a she?' fecjed-in-the-napper Aphex Twin videos. Nuff said.

6 out of 10 (8 for the excellent acting, minus 2 for the gut-twisting nausea)

Seeing 'Thank You For Smoking' tonight, (again on a freebie preview - hehe good connections) so report to follow shortly.

Hmmm...may have to give that one a miss, sounds a bit too harrowing.

On a completely different note, watched Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room the other day.

Excellent account of the reasons why one of the largest companies in the world went bust overnight(ish) and took a major accounting firm (Arthur Anderson) with it.

Don't be put off by thinking that this is a film about accounting. The technical stuff is kept to a bare minimum. Instead the filmmakers concentrate on the personalities of the guys in charge and how their almost suicidal desire to take risks eventually caught up with them.

The links between Enron and the Bush family are also looked into.

Well worth a look.

7.9/10

Have you guys all lost your freakin minds? Something about Mary is fucking pure genius. Its poplitically incorrect, has some ridiculously funny characters and was shelved for years because they thought it too offensive each time to make - that gives it street cred and its hilarious. Go watch it. Everything post Mary has been shite...Happy Gilmore and Little Nicky are Sandler's redemption films - rest are shit - so now that you have the word of Govi - go watch again.

Watched Da Vinci Code cos X-Men 3 wasn't playing. Spent my money on the ticket cos my fuck fuck nigga rap records label has gone down the tube since none of you have commented on it on the creative writing thread. I thought it wasn't as woeful as everyone made out - methinks there was a lot of expectation on that one - but since I'd read all th negative reviews, I feel I got a lot more than most out of the film, cos I just didn't expect a thing.

And Audrey Tatou should stick to acting in French. *sigh*

B-to the y to the a to the atch - word to yo momma.

Oi!

I'd like to bring your attention to Clerks2.com as it has clips of the making of the film and Trailers and stuff and it's gonna be great. I can't view it at work as Websense say it's 'Tasteless'. Brilliant.

My mother says thank you for the Word Gov.

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid is Steve Martin's homage to the detective films of the 30's; he stars as a PI who investigates the death of a famous cheese scientist for his beautiful daughter (Rachael Ward). Along the way he is crowbarred into scenes from various B&W classics in order to converse with Jimmy Cagney, Humphrey Bogart, Babara Stanwyck, Veronica Lake, et al, and get shot in the arm at least four times.
So the plot doesn't make much sense then, but then it really doesn't matter in the least. This is Steve Martin at his best. Watch it.
4.2/5

Dark Blue
Imagine a sub-LA Confidential story by Elroy, set in 1992 LA as it awaits the Rodney King verdicts, polished by the guy who wrote Training Day, starring Kurt Russell, and you'll probably be spot on.
Apart from the Kurt Russell bit 'cos he really is excellent; when he's in a scene there might as well not be anyone else on screen. Worth watching for his performance alone.
3.9/5

I've caught bits of that on cable and thought it was Martin at his best. Ta for the title.

Bombon El Perro

A strange film. It makes me wonder whether my personal view on foreign films is the same as a lot of people's; that one views them with a sort of eschewed sense of reality coupled with the one reserved for watching young children put on skits at home, where one hopes not to offend and is almost always waiting to applaud or for the 'punchline' in case you miss it. Is it because most 'foreign films' (for want of a better phrase) that become the 'must see' fare seem to come out of foreign art houses and aside from seeming 'unusual' because they're not in the English idiom is simply weird because it is from an art house?! This does not apply to Korean or Japanese films as it does to South American or European films.

The further away the culture, the more difficult it is to decipher the cultural meanings imparted to the players and occurences of the film. In a nutshell, I found I understood more about the film after I watched the trailer when the film was done. Is it just me?

This film is about a collosal Patagonian loser and to boot, a rather gormless looking chap, whose fortunes seem to go from bad to worse or just nowhere even when opportunities present themself (?). The adage nice guys get fuck all in life comes to mind a lot and everything seems to change when said fellow is gifted a rather large indestructible dog for a good deed he carries out. I also seemed to wonder a lot how he had money for petrol when he seemed to be so bloody poor.

A strange film and not entirely exciting. The scenery was shite and all as well. Watch it if you like dogs and bloody ugly belly dancers.

3/5 (simply because its in Spanish and in an unusual part of the world and arty)

You see? Why do I give it a three? Have I been pop culturally engineered to give this film a 3? Am I losing my fecking mind?



Govi *

And noone's commented on my rap attempt STILL! Hurry up or Ill send a glock to your Aerodrome.

Face it Gov; you're a Culture Zombie - lurching from one project to the next in the search for brains but satisfied by any live meat whether it's the sweetest brain-food or the sweaty TV cast offs from Big Brother.

Er...you should probably ignore that last paragraph...

Narc
Ex-undercover narcotics cop (Jason Patric) is persuaded back into active service to investigate the murder of a fellow officer along with volitile, old-fashioned cop Henry Oak (Ray Liotta).
This feels like a 70's cop movie; all roughing up perps and low-lifes, following leads, never sure where the line between cop and crim really lies. YOu get the sense that if these guys weren't cops they'd be into some badass stuff anyway. Although the story is interesting enough its' the performances that grab you; Jason Patric is Solid in the introspective, troubled role that supports Liotta's statuesque turn as the grizzled, ambiguous veteran.
4/5

My Aerodrome needs all the security it can get; I'll take a glock man...oh wait! That was a threat right?

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING

The plot: A spin doctor for large tobacco companies (Aaron Eckhart) is faced with one of the most unenviable and despised jobs in the world. But he loves it. Why? Because he gets to talk bullshit 24/7 and gets paid a mint to do it. He is the ultimate salesman, and not afraid to argue his way out of any corner no matter what the cost. But the smoking industry is in trouble. It's becoming unpopular, even uncool. How can they turn around this slump in sales? The answer (as our 'hero' sees it) is to get smoking back into films, and make it glamorous and cool again. For this he goes to see a top Hollywood mogul (nice cameo from Rob Lowe) to see if he can pull a few strings. While this story is going on, he has to cope with his young, impressionable son and his divorced wife, a dangerous fling with a reporter (Katie Holmes - not looking as saucy as she used to) and being kidnapped by anti-smoking activists who cover him in nicorette patches.

The verdict: This was on ok film but I must say given the hype, and the fact its done very well in America, I was very disappointed. It can't quite make up its mind whether it wants to be a comedy or a controversial documentary, and therefore ends up being neither of these and just a bit of a mish-mash of ideas. Perhaps our friends over the pond are more shocked by the fact that people are paid to sell cigarettes - I don't think it will shock or raise as many eyebrows in Europe as it has over there. Having said all this Eckhart is quite good and for a first time director (Jason Reitman - 'son of Ghostbusters') its quite an enjoyable 2 hours. But don't bother rushing to see it in the cinema, get it on DVD.

It's not funny and it's not clever.

6/10

Alright sammyboy - built it up nicely and then made it crash faster than a pile of steaming turd sorry, red BMW from a first floor home.

Yes Aerodrome is my new Indian wigger word for ya dome. Yeah, sweet man.

MI:3

Yes I know its fucking late in the day, but I went to see it alright. X-Men 3 has been panned so bad I cant bring myself to watch it. But feck me - Ethan Hunt back in a big way with some serious action. Jehoosifash - the babe who suddenly went all wonky eyed within the 10th minute of the film was top totty. Lawrence Fishburne obviously forgot that Agent Smith had already been cast for another film and all in all this is the first film I held my pee in for as long as I could justy so I didnt miss the action.

I'm so glad you all shared in that. High fives baybee - YEAH!!!

I'm off to Goa for my brother's wedding in 2 weeks. Cannot fecking wait.

X-Men 3:

Went to see it, despite the aforementioned panning from many critics. I found it okay. Lot's of action and not as bad as Kermode would have you believe. However, also not in the same league as the first two and not the send-off the series deserved.

6.5/10

Ghost in the Shell 2
'What just happened?'
'I don't know, but it sure was pretty'
2/5

Jonnyploy...started reading your entry on X3 and thought I had written it. I totally agree. Phoenix seriously scared the living crap out of me. Jeeeesus. The last fight scene was as they say in England 'pants'. They really ought to have had a seriously hardocre punch up with more than just 6 fucking X men fighting the mutant baddies. And did anyone catch the inside knowledge last hidden scene after the credits?

Bobby becoming Ice Man most certainly made me more excited than my first 99 on Brighton beach - and that was pretty fucking exciting!!!

On another note in case any of you were interested Souhail Wilson is leaving Dubai permanently for the grey shores of Engurland. If you want his number drop me a line.

Anyone coming to WOMAD? Im going on Sunday.

I liked X3 a lot, despite its obvious flaws. Of course I'm now eager for more...

The end bit was both a reference back to the "ethics" class where "wheels" Xavier muses on whether it would be ethical to use his psychic powers to transfer the a mind into a body which although alive, doesn't seem to have any mental activity. Pretty much answered his own question there - probably not, but if it saves my life then what the hell.

Then there's the massive "coincidence" that the vegtable guy is in fact in a hospital on Muir Island, where one of Xavier's old flames, Moira, lives and works.

They say they're not gonna make more, but come on... that was an overutre not a finale!

Anyway:

Night Watch and Day Watch

Night Watch - Russian supernatural good vs evil apocalyptic battle type setup. The premise is that there are "others" who have a magic sensitivity, and they live among us. This includes witches, vampies and all manner of supernatural beings. Some are light (good) and some are dark (not good). The live together in a truce and the Night Watch are the light others who police the dark others to ensure the treaty is upheld, and the Day watch the dark others who watch the light.

The plot revolves around Anton a light other who is attempting to rid some woman, Svetlana, from a curse which might jepardise the the treaty and at the same time find his son, who may just be the Chosen One, and convince him that light is the better option (everyone gets to chose sides). The Dark others obviously want the opposite.

The mood is good and the CGI effects sparse but well placed. Story can be a little confusing, not that you can't follow it but that you fell you might be missung things, especially as I don't know russian... felt the sub might have lacked somthing... Did see it in the cinema with Kat though (who speaks Russian) and she didn't shed any extra light.

Of course it has been ages since I saw this, just decided I'd write a review as I just saw Day Watch.
I liked it though.

Day watch follows off where night watch finished and obviously had a bigger budget (MUCH bigger), effects everywhere. Unfortunately Ihave to say this made day watch much more enjoyable to watch than night watch.

The scene with the crazy car parking is just so unbelievable you laugh, but at the same time you'll love it and wish you could do it too.

A lot more gets added to the story which now seems to make some sense, even if this film is about a search for - wait for it - the Chalk of Fate.

I now want to see the conclusion as this is a three parter.

Night Watch 3/5
Day Watch 3.5/5 - both worth watching and highly enjoyable, if not the best things you've ever seen - Tart recommends.

El Mariachi Trilogy

Let's start with the first in Robert Rodreuiez's triptich of blood, guns and guitar cases; El Mariachi. The last of the films I watched...
El Mariachi is a distinctly low budget tale of mistaken identity; wandering Mariachi gets mistaken for drug baron's nemesis, has to kill lots of gun-toting henchmen in self-defense, falls for female bar owner, indirectly gets her killed, is upset. Fast, punchy action coupled with some questionable acting make this an enjoyable glance at a director's beginnings but probably isn't worth getting as it's all done much better in
Desperado; a film like El Mariachi with a budget and decent actors there is probably no need for me to tell y'all that it's great and well worth a glance.
Unfortunately in Once Upon a Time in Mexico the small-town, small budget, big action approach is applied to a big story (a Mexican military coup) and hence doesn't really work. Banderas is pushed to one side by a grandstand Jonny Depp, and scenes too expensive for Desperado are shoe-horned in for no apparent reason. That said, it's not all bad; there's some cracking action set-pieces and Jonny Depp calls a taxi driver 'Fuck-moot', but I still feel the extra money should have gone on some coherence and not dubious, low-cost effects shots. It's quite fun none the less.

El Mariachi:2.9/5
Desperado: 4/5
OUTM: 3/5

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

I think Sam did a bang up job reviewing this one: Great

4/5

EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED

The plot: Elijah Wood goes on a road trip through the Ukraine looking for information about the woman who hid his grandfather from the Nazis.

The verdict: Ok the plot might not sound mesmerising but I actually quite enjoyed this film. Well the first half anyway. Ok bits of the first half. Seriously though, it is a very interesting film. Elijah Wood plays a sort of obsessive compulsive collector of 'stuff' all belonging to relatives or places he's been. He puts all these things in little plastic bags and sticks them on his wall. He's quite odd - he wears a funereal suit and tie and oversize glasses through the whole film. He actually manages to kind of pull it off, although at some points he overdoes the kookiness. The best, best bit about this film though is his Ukrainian translator Alex (Eugene Hutz), his grandfather and his grandfather's 'seeing-eye bitch'. His grandfather sort of pretends to be blind. Yeah. Oh and the dog is called Sammy Davis Jnr Jnr. So the first half is quite funny watching the Ukrainians murder the English language. But the second half gets a lot darker and a lot more sombre. Retracing the disappearance of a great many Jews in that area of the Ukraine at the hands of the Nazis.

A film of great contrasts. The first half is laugh-out-loud funny at times, the second half reflective and thought-provoking.

7 out of 10 (8 for the 1st half, 6 for the 2nd half)

Superman Returns
Five years after banishing Emperor Zod and the other Krytonian crims from his adopted planet, and then buggering off to find Krypton, Superman (Brandon Routh)...well returns. He finds Earth much as he left it except Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth) now has a suspiciously aged son (about 5 years old) and a loving fiancée (James Marsden). In fact he arrives just in time to rescue Lois from certain plane crash and try and stop Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) in his next dastardly scheme.

Well you can tell Brian Singer likes Superman; his version echoes the original two in every way it can, though naturally bringing more bang to the big screen (check out the plane rescue). Brandon Routh does an imaculate Christopher Reeve impression; his Clark Kent is just as awkward and bumbling and his Superman is just as dryly 'straight'. If anything there wasn't enough for him to do in the film; it concentrates almost equally on Bosworth (who is ok but would probably be better in a bikini) and Spacey (whose Luthor is the best I've seen). Unfortunately the villainous plan doesn't really match up to all the talk; too much time is spent on laying the ground for those not up on their Super films for us to really feel the peril and some Clark & Lois interaction would have been good; would this Superman turn back time for his Lois?

Never-the-less there is quite enough action to keep everybody happy for 2.5 hrs, and enough heart for the fans. It's a great film, but great in the manner of X-Men, not X2. Roll on Superman Retuns Again - More Clark pratting around (I've not seen him do anything that'd earn him a wage) or Supes being quietly amused at all the fuss, would be perfection.
4/5 (Pending further review)

IN HER SHOES

The plot: Rose (Toni Collette) is the sensible, boring, conscientious lawyer type and her sister Maggie (Cameron Diaz) is the slutty, disorganised, lazy, spoilt-little-rich-girl type. The former needs to let her hair down a bit and stop being so uptight, the latter needs to get a job and stop acting like a teenager. Maggie is forced out of home and goes to stay with their long-lost grandmother to rebuild her life. Rose chucks in her job and takes up dog-walking and starts dating a man who treats her properly. Cue family revelations, self-affirmation and cheesy ending ahoy.

The verdict: This was ok - a bit of a girlie film (ok a LOT of a girlie film) but not too cheesy. Toni Collette is a superb actress and Cameron Diaz has a superb bum. Probably one of the perfect 'couple' films. All the girls can nod knowingly and say things like 'you go girl!' or 'what a bastard!' and cry over poor Toni Collette's love life... and all the blokes can just look at Cameron Diaz and go 'phwoar' or similar

7/10

(4/10 for the storyline and plot, 10/10 for general gorgeousness of Diaz - damn you Timberlake!)

(Do you like the way I keep reviewing films in two contrasting halves of 10, adding them together, working out the average and giving you an overall score? Thought you would)

[attachmentid=194]
Get in the Hot Fuzz!

that poster says nothing about the film - apart from the fact that it's going to be very very funny.

I've just discovered Spaced. Gotta watch more...

Not much to add to King's Superman Returns review really. I liked it a lot. My only minor quibble would be that Kate Bosworth is too young. Surely she would have been in high school 5 years ago? Okay that's an exaggeration but you get the point.

One other thing - possibly my favourite part of the film was the opening credits. Complete spine tingling genius. Massive letters against a space background with the sheer quality of John Williams' Superman theme blasting away. Worth the entrance fee for that alone.

That is true; the opening credits do give a tingle.

Dan it looks truely awesome; an English action movie, what more could you want? Notice the 'all that' poses but also notice the fact that they are in a supermarket and using guns from the evidence locker. Fantastic.

Re: Superman Returns

I dunno it didn't blow me away... its just so cheesy and cliched now isn't it? Or is that just me? The reason Batman Begins was so ace was that they took all the cheesy/cliched previous incarnations of Batman and just pissed all over them. I want a darker Superman. Talking of darker superheroes - I saw the trailer for the next Spiderman... looks ace! Back in black.

Also King re: Kate Bosworth



Probably? Definitely! Yum yum.

PotC (DMC)
Jack's back, he's bad, not black, slightly mad.

So yes; Captain Jack Sparrow is back along with every other minor character you could possibly think of; the twisty plot course required to shoe-horn all your favourite pirates back into the film causes a certain rudderless feel and the darker tone makes for much less fun. However, the multiple agendas certainly keep you guessing and the action (and Jonny Depp) are enough for entertainment.

If you liked the first you will probably enjoy this one (though not quite as much) and will want to see the third. So job done then.
3.5/4

PS Rosie best keep away...poutiness in evidence

Van Helsing

Agghhhh! My eyes! My eyes!

1/5

(0/5 for action/direction/fx , 2/5 for car crash viewing)

Car crash viewing? what the..? explain Kingsly.

Anyhoo, I was on the BBC website and saw an article on the new Batman movie, with Heath Ledger playing the Joker, called The Dark Knight. Still to be directed by our man Nolaninho.

whawhosaidthat

I watched Batman Begins again recently, and I still like it a lot.

I hope that Nolan will follow the Spiderman/X-Men example and make the second film even better than the first with more action and more fun.

You know; there's a certain grisly enjoyment in watching a car crash. Same with a car crash of a movie.

I think he's set up the new Batman in BB, so Dark Knight should be better, also with Joker he can go into how the Joker came to be etc, which is a better background story than the other Batman baddies, although if they brought back King Tut, I would love to see that as well. Was he actually an Egyptian king, or some crazy fool!



sort of like a 'so bad it's good' sort of thing eh.

Well that would get 4 or so. It's more so bad it's bad; some of the hammiest acting I have ever seen.

Superman Vs. Batman

Now I have to set you guys straight on the whole Superman/Batman thing. Firstly go read up about them on Wikipedia - some awesome facts right there. Secondly, Superman is meant to be cheesy and Batman dark and brooding. For someone who has hated true blue Superman forever and loved the more vengeful and evil Batman, Superman Returns left me totally breathless.

Brandon Routh's line delivery is excellent. Watch it again and tell me half of Hollywood wouldnt fuck up the cheesy lines he's given. Also, the casting is genius and the inclusion of the previous films is absolutely seamless. Spacey is amazing. All in all there is no ham - no OTT in your face shit and no temptation to crack out a shit line just cos it is Superman Returns. Point is, this film kicks ass. Spiderman's director could learn about not having to make it so fucking cheesy. Also don't take the love tension for granted - every other film has histrionics or extra cheese on the love scenes. In this one, you believe they had a serious thing going just by the way they look at each other. The opening action sequence almost made me cry (notice how wooden La Femme Nikita's actress is - jeeeeez) Top marks for all that. 4.5/5

Miami Vice

Now honestly - you have no idea how long I've been waiting to watch this film. Read my lips - this is possibly the biggest flaming pile of dog turd ever to make its way to screen in the guise of being an 80s cool flick. There is no character build-up - we just have to imagine that Farrel and Foxx are as cool and street smart as the original pair. This really is a huge mistake. Also, they chose a labotomized non-English speaker, who'd watched some 80s mafia films, to write the script. Then they cast a sort of pretty Chinese lass to speak English like so...

"If I wanted you dead you would alweady cease to dwah bweath in Myami". A lot of her opening lines get lost in her garbled accent and you will piss yourself at least 72.4 times before the end of the film.

They dont show the car enough.

There are only about 3 action sequences.

The script will make you cringe.

Farrell can't decide whether he's just plain American or Texan so growls lines in order to sound hard. Penis.

Farrell is also about as convincing as a jellyfish on a beach in his intense love scenes with lines such as...

"Probability is like gravity..."

You know where that's going. No? Neither did anyone else.

Please dont waste your money. Watch Nacho Libre or lick your bunyans instead.
-80million/5

Miami Vice ain't all that bad. Sure, you can't hear what anyone is saying and Farrell is all moustache no talent, but the look of the film is incredible and the plot is so simple that you don't need to know what anyone is saying. As for there only being 3 action scenes: doesn't matter - Heat only had 1 action scene but still managed to be the nuts. I'm not saying that Miami Vice is anywhere close to Heat's quality, or even Collateral's, but it's entertaining enough in a forgettable kind of way.

I too have seen Miami Vice and would have to side closer to Gov's review than Jonnyboy's. It is wank on a stick.

Instead, why not go and buy Brazil from HMV for £3.99 One of the best films I've ever seen. Terry Gilliam is a fecjing crazed genius. I'll do a full review soon, can't be arsed right now.