Yeah it was all rather under-played which was interesting; if it was cut for time reasons why burn down the burrow? Why make Harry simply watch the Unfortunate Event rather than have him petrified and hidden?

I think we may have to wait until DH 2 is done before we can properly judge; something that counts against this as a film in its own right, but then I don't think anyone will start with this one somehow...

I think on reflection I liked the film more than I remember, the ending having not really done the trick skews one's feelings about the whole thing...

I went, I saw, I liked. It gave me a fuzzy feeling inside but also made me jump when the zombie came out of the water even though I knew it was coming.


I'm pretty sure that's at the end of the previous film/book, i.e. no. 5?

No it's the end of book 6 also; same concept, different location (Hogwarts not the Ministry). A possible reason for not including it I guess - too similar to the end of the last film...

I'm going for brevity to avoid any spoilers.

She's just not that into you: Balls, don't see it. 1/5

Role Models: Very fun, see it. Kiss rules. 4/5

The Hangover: Pretty funny. 3.5/5

More to follow when I see something.

Futurama: Beast with a billion backs: An average, long futurama episode. 3/5
Futurama: Into the wild green yonder: An average, long futurama episode. 3/5

So in three minutes you managed to see two feature length Futurama episodes? Impressive.

You could have simply gone for common sense and followed my review by not seeing it altogether. On another note - there's all sorts of amazing new graphic novels out and I need a comic nerd to chat with. Have you read Final Crisis? Any good?

I haven't even read infinite crisis yet I'm afraid. I heard bad things about infinite crisis, which put me off, but I'm not sure of the source, so will probably give it a go after the current batch of books I'm on.

I'm currently working my way through Ex Machina. Before that I had a go at New Avengers, but the retarded civil war + a change of art style ruined it halfway through for me.

if it was the "retard civil war" that might have been fun. How has this film thread ended up on comics? Though perhaps this doesn't belong in the 'books' section (if Jennie had anything to do with it...)

Oi! I LIKE comics. And graphic novels. And they deserve a place right alongside books. And if they happen to be by Neil Gaiman, they deserve a place ABOVE many books. Although I admit that I haven't read as widely in that genre as I have in others...

That said, as this is the film thread, Pete and I just saw "Moon". It was excellent. Moving and fascinating.

that's no moon...

Awesome

That's funny, how did I not notice before?

(In the past I might have laughed out loud but we're not allowed nowadays...)

Star Wars - Clone Wars

Set between eps 2 and 3 this is a continuation of the excellent Samurai Jack-style shorts focusing on the Jedi as they fight in the Galactic civil war. Gone, however, are the thick-lined 2-D stylings that marked them out, replaced with a semi 3-D, CG affair that, whilst still looking stylish, doesn't quite have the sharp air of class. This is a pretty kid-friendly, made-for-TV flick that focuses on Annakin as he takes on an impulsive, seemingly American, trainee and tries to rescue Jabba the Hutt's son from...who really cares? The EU is not extended enough to please the geeks, the action is not exciting or stylish enough for those that just like seeing flashy sticks waved about and the comic-relief battle bots will annoy just about everybody. The kids'll love it though. Probably.

2/5

Read or Die

An interesting contribution from the Manga stable, Read or Die focuses on a English/Japanese agent 'The Paper', a woman obsessed with books who has power over paper and works for the secret agent wing of the British Library (you know the one). Despite being completely absorbed in whatever she's reading (to the point of ignoring the traffic being sent flying by a man riding a giant mecha grasshopper) and being rather innocent, trusting and naive she must save the world from the machinations of an ex-poet who is bringing great figures from the past back to life in order to kill most of the population (using a 'Suicide Symphony' written by Beethoven) to make way for a world of 'pure souls'. If that sounds confusing...well most Manga offerings do unless you've read the original books and/or understand the Japanese. It's actually very enjoyable, with a number of comic moments, mainly stemming from Paper's persistent demands for the return of her book from whichever bad guy has it and only a few of the gratuitous sprays of blood that often mark (and sometimes ruin) a Manga film. I heartily recommend it if you're an anime fan or, quite frankly, if you know Jennie: apart from the black hair, glasses, and ability to stop bullets using paper, she's a dead ringer.

3.8/5

Oh and if someone could find the TV series that followed I'd be most grateful...

Oh, now, that is a job I want. Badly. Secret book agent? Almost as good as Thursday Next's job. Possible better with the power over paper aspect.

I blubbed in Time Travellers Wife...I mean HOW COULD THEY LET ERIC BANA DIE!? It would have been less emotional if he was ugly...

That's Niffenegger's fault I'm afraid...his end was a bit nastier in the book (so I'm told, I haven't seen the film yet).



You don't fool us Jennie; we all know you're gunning for double-0 status already...

His end was decidedly heart-wrenching in the book. I'm not surprised they changed it. (Haven't seen the movie, yet.)

Tropic Thunder

Not funny enough to justify its obviously huge budget: While it's beautifuly shot and actually convinces as a war film at times (perhaps unsurprising given that they had the cinematographer from Thin Red line) Stiller doesn't have the discipline as a director or the comedy chops as an actor to see the film through to classic status. Its saving grace is the casting of Robert Downey Jr as an over-precious actor who becomes so enmeshed in Method that he doesn't drop character "until the DVD commentary", and the back up of Jay Baruchel, Brandon T Jackson and Tom Cruise (in inspired form as abusive studio boss Len Grossman). In the end I felt that if they'd halved the budget, forcibly restrained Stiller from acting and cut Jack Black out all together (or given him something to do beyond fart) they could have a film on. As it is I think it will go down as a wasted opportunity; a film with one of the great comic performances and some lovely explosions but burdened by rather large flaws. I'd wait for the 'RDJ cut' of the film; no doubt someone is working on it Phantom Edit-style.

3/5 Funniest bit on DVD? MTV Movie Awards sketch included in which Stiller, Black and Downey Jr attempt to make a viral video in which Iron Man kicks the Panda in the balls...when the extras make you laugh more than anything in the film you know there's trouble. Worthy mention to the mock trailer to Satan's Alley with 'Co-winner of the MTV Best Kiss Award 2002' Toby Maguire sharing longing glances with RDJ whilst fondling his rosaries.

District 9

I liked it. Can't be bothered to do a proper review though.

Does no-one talk when I'm, away?

Dorian Gray

Not much to commend this adaptation other than a fine turn from Colin Firth and some nice (but poorly made apparently) costumes. Ben Barnes lacks any depth as the titular anti-hero and hence the direction lacks subtlety as all Gray's vices are put on show - frankly looking less vice-like than a Saturday night in Middlesborough. The second half is done like a horror movie but when all the demons are contained wholly within a CG painting and the blank stare of the pretty shop dummy that is Barnes, it's not overly effective.

Watch the original. 2/5

Tropic Thunder - poo. Some funny bits but Stiller just tries too hard.

Dorian Gray - haven't seen it but I refuse to watch anything with Colin Firth in it. A mainstay next to Jude Law of the 'a cardboard cutout could replace me (without the John Smith's irony)' club, Firth should probably be shot. Maybe Ill watch the one where he's a single dad - he's probably tortured somewhat in this second film and not looking nonplussed all the time.

Phoebe in Wonderland
One of the suspicious 'chick flick' offerings from the wonderful Chinese DVD lady, this film is Lewis Carrol and a pile of steaming poo blended badly and put on film. Avoid at all costs. Or to watch some seriously awful acting/make up/hair dos, a thousand missed opportunities and some of the most awkward direction on film (NB Felicity Huffman hanging off a fence looking unconvincingly 'pained') get this straight away.

I don't know why I watched this. One of those '2 girls and a cup' type moments.

-3.0/5

Sita Sings The Blues

Speaking of Ravana...I don't know if I've harped on about this already, but this is a brilliant animated parody of the mythical Hindu fable The Ramayana. The animation and music are brilliant and did I mention I interviewed the filmmaker and did a charity screening for her in Dubai (enough about me...). Its now available for download (you can make a small contribution if you so wish) hither. Please check it out - its amazing...its a great story and plastered across 5 different animation styles all done by one woman at a Mac PC. Check it one time and like Feeder said...tell all your friends!

http://www.sitasingstheblues.com/

I agree, on both points.

I liked it too but a bit gutted they left it hanging and Chris the prawn wasn't shown returning, splatting all the nasty humans with his fishy fire and taking all the others back to planet Marklar...Oh hold on, I think I'm getting my entertainment wires crossed there...

The Bela Lugosi one?

Crank 2

This would be the greatest film ever made were it not for the first one.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Fairly toss.

Funny you mention that - saw it myself a couple nights ago. I'll never look at a Chocolate Ice-cream Sunday the same way again...

Um...I was thinking of the George Sanders one (1945).

A quick Imdb confirms that Az élet királya was made in 1918 with Bela Lugosi as Lord Wotton so...yes watch that one (it's bound to be better. Pauly Shore could do a better job than Barnes, buuuudy).

I have seen neither, but I have just read the book. Plenty of man-on-man admiration, if that's your thing.

Thought origins was superb. Crank...crank?....i cannot speak...

2 girls and a cup - have you seen the reactions to 2 girls and a cup - check the muppet spoofs on youtube - hilarious.

Inglorious Basterds

1 spoiler alert for you mega Tarantino nerds.

Wow - where do I begin with this? A band of super secret special force type American Jewish marines sneak into Nazi Germany and scalp so many Auschwitz gassing baddies that their frightful reputation precedes them to the point of dramatic whimsy and subsequent terror among the audience (sarcasm). Led by an incredibly lame Brad Pitt with his panto Southern-tobacco-munching-accent and Manuel type moustache (let's forget the fact that he's somehow part Injun) the 'fearsome' lot (it says so in the script so they must be scary) traipse around raising havoc in the fatherland. They hatch a plot to kill lots of Nazis in one go (as does someone else, with each party completely unbenownst to the other in a Marx brothers style twist) and there is much mirth and killing and blood.

I have so many issues with this film (they follow) but to sum up - Tarantino, like Guy Ritchie seems to be losing that x factor that made his movies intelligent and riveting. From previously giving us characters, plots and atmospheres that we will never forget, Tarantino serves up a sort of 'Tarantino the student' getting high on 'Tarantino the director who can do no wrong'. IB is a quickly and badly rattled off story in a space where QT seems to be out of his depth. We jump from high tension to complete panto in moments with some questionable direction at the best of times (mostly of Hitler).

We are not treated to the same sorts of lines that we've come to expect - there is no build up of the characters who we're supposed to love when they sail off into the setting sun, blood spattered and covered in entrails. We lose a lot of the clever film craft that makes a Tarantino joint so much worth smoking - again and again. There is symbolism as subtle as a plumber turning up at Stifler's mom's house and an ending and twist so lame and cartoony that I was weeping into my nutella crepe.

Unfortunately, IB (the incorrect spelling of bastards going some way in actually giving these guys any character) is a story that's a Jewish wet dream with none of the clever sassy characters or set ups we've come to expect of QT (save one scene). The plot is silly and too much relies on us believing what the script tells us to believe. The opening scene is tiring, long and stuffy and Brad Pitt's turn had me wondering where the actor from Snatch, 12 Monkeys and Fight Club had gone.

Highlights:
The underground bar scene - magic.
Don't even get me started on the accents.
The Mike Myers scene (which I missed - blame nutella crepe)
And anything and everything Eli Roth says. He was amazing.

I think QT fans will be disappointed. I like my Tarantino a certain way - clever, bloody and leaving me wanting to watch it a 100 times more. Had this been anyone else's film, it would have gone straight to tape. And what happened to his killer soundtracks?!?! Perhaps this is a way of getting his next 10 lame ideas funded by Hollywood. After this film, someone's going to get an oscar (which won't and will shock me)!

For a REAL QT feel watch Hell Ride - goddamn yes!

xx

Redbelt

I mentioned this film quite a while ago but I only just got around to watching it (I think it only got a limited release at the cinema).

Um, it's really good. I know I'm not alone here in wondering why Chiwetel Ejiofor is not one of the world's biggest stars, because as an actor he is flawless as far as I can see.

Ejiofor plays Mike Terry, a Jiu Jitsu instructor who has always shunned paid competition as he believes that it isn't real combat and lacks purity. Instead, he trains people to 'prevail' in combat and in life. Chance events lead to Terry rescuing a famous filmstar (played by Tim Allen) from a beating in a bar brawl. Very quickly, he is drawn into the world of Hollywood. However, this being a David Mamet film things are too good to be true and soon Terry's life begins to unravel as he is the victim of a con.

There are good supporting turns from all of the cast, including Allen, Alice Braga (as Terry's wife) and Emily Mortimer as a lawyer rape victim whom Terry helps put the past behind her. However, this film is all about Mike Terry and Ejiofor owns the role totally.

The plot takes a jarring turn involving Terry's wife just before the final act which doesn't really fit what we've seen in the film so far but I was more than willing to forgive that. The ending itself I imagine won't be to everyone's taste, but I loved it.

Two more things:

1. This film will make you want to take up Jiu Jitsu.

2. The 'crikey' girl from The Spanish Prisoner has a small part in this film (I believe she's Mamet's wife and therefore gets thrown a part in every film he makes).

Definitely recommended.

The Illusionist in 3 Acts;

Act 1: Boy learns magic, meets posh bird, posh bird taken away by respectable types, boy flounces off to the orient to learn more magic.

Act 2: Edward Norton (plus faintly Teutonic accent + beard) performs magic, meets girl (Jessica Biel...no beard) again, girl now 'engaged' to mean crown prince (Rufus Sewell with vguely Teutonic accent + beard), girl killed.

Act 3: Paul Giamatti (policeman with faintly Teutonic accent + beard) investigates whilst Norton 'conjors spirits' and generally causes a fuss. Policeman accuses Prince, Prince (not the singer you understand; that would be weird) not happy , policeman finally gets the TWIST. Laughs. Leaves the audience confused as to what really happened. Debate ensues.

This is a strange little film as it's not at all like The Prestige and yet is unerring remembered in the same breath as that film (if it is, in fact, remembered). It seems to have been filmed in brown circlo-vision as all the corners are a liittle fuzzy and all the sets a little burnt umber. Still this makes for a certain ambiance as the leads wallow in a vintage setting; Norton all gimlet-eyed and mysterious; Biel pouty enough to make Jonnyboy consider her instead of Scarlett (not for long mind you); and Giamatti alternating between avuncular and angry.

In the end the story is a rather slight love story (or is it?) that's a little frustrating in its unwillingness to share any of its tricks; whether or not the events we see are all illusion, part imagined by Giamatti or a display of genuine supernatural powers by Norton is left entirely up to the viewer, changing the experience depending on your PoV. Still, it entertains even if a good 10 mins could happily be trimmed here and there. Probably not worth seeking out or avoiding...unless you want to watch Jonnyboy considering, albeit briefly, another woman.

3/5

Zombieland

In a post-zombie-apocolypse America one shy, geeky student Columbus (Jessie Eisenberg) tries to make his way home armed only with a double-barrelled shotgun and a list of Rules for survival in 'Zombieland'. On the way he teams up with hardman Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a man with a talent for killing zombies and a very strong desire for a twinkie, and sisters Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin).

I'd heard good things about this film and I'm glad to say that they were quite true: This film a lot of fun from the get-go as Eisenberg does his best Michael Cera impression while he lays out events to date and his rules for survival in a zombie-infested land. Number one rule is Cardio (apparently 'the fatties got it first'), brilliantly demonstrated in a chase scene that would be intense in any other film, but is deftly punctured here by the rules flashing up on screen in inventive fashion. Once the world is established with plenty of gory, zombie action and we are introduced to Tallahassee and his hard-nut skills the zombies cease to really matter - there are plenty hanging around, ready to be splattered but this is a film that's more interested in getting to know its protagonists than bumping them off one by one. As they gambol about the American West they bicker and argue and then come across a Celebrity Cameoer who, in a wonderful sequence, merrily mocks his own persona before they leave, venturing off to a final, zombie-filled finale.

This is a film that is right up with Shaun of the Dead in my books, though as it's much less concerned with zombies (apparently the director has only ever seen 28 Days Later in the zombie(ish) canon in contrast to Wright & Pegg's fascination with the genre) I actually enjoyed it slightly more (I'm not a zombie fan). In fact I'm not sure I'll ever be able to watch someone run down by zombies without thinking 'Cardio'.

4/5 Go see even if you're not a zombie fan. You can also check out some TV spots outlining rules not mentioned in the film on YouTube (Rule # 12: Bounty kitchen towel - Zombieland gets messy...).

Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill

This is a film with cult written all over it; a seminal exploitation flick from Russ Meyer it features three of his trademark women (large breasts, small waists) as go-go dancers who, for no discernible reason, kill a guy, kidnap his girlfriend and then try and steal a crotchety old cripple's life savings. None of this makes much sense and both the acting and the dialogue are beautifully campy, nonsensical and amateurish but then I'm pretty sure this was never supposed to be high art. This is a film that seems to both mock and celebrate the pulpy trash of the time; it does everything the other exploitation flicks of the time were, but turns everything to eleven; big breasts, fast cars, tight jeans, sudden death and a barnstorming, snarling performance from stripper Tura Satana as leader of the bizarre gang, Varla. This has to be one of the guiltiest pleasures out there; it's almost clinically schlocky and you can't help but admire Russ Meyer's skill in putting together a film so perfectly blatant.

It's tough to put a score to a film like this: If you go in ready to enjoy some catty violence in tight jeans it's a clear 4/5. (If you're looking for sustenance it's a 2.)

You had me at 'breasts'...

Me too...until I realised that it was from 1965. Never been an old film fan. The pace is always just so slow and I've since been desensitised so their "shocking" sexy / violent turns are just disappointing by today's standards.

I didn't even get that far...

A Plan's Come Together

Last I heard anything about this movie was that it had Mel Gibson, Tay Diggs, Jim Carrey and Val Kilmer in the possible roles (or did I just get that off ICQ back when), but this is what is going down with the A Team.

Check it fools!

New A Team movie blurb

The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus

Leave your weird-shitometer at home; if you like Gilliam's stuff this is worth a look - not a classic but there's certainly enough to warrant a second viewing. Heath's performance isn't actually hugely barnstorming - the awards go to Lily Cole for not falling flat on her face (and actually being enticing for once), and the addition of other actors to replace Mr Leger actually is one of the better parts of the tale.

3.5/5

Up

The first 15mins is cracking - sort of Wall-E like in execution and heartbreaking. The rest isn't quite up there with Pixar's best but is still miles better than anything Dreamworks can muster. Definitely worth seeing (don't bother with 3D if you can help it, it doesn't add anything), but probably only worth seeing once.

3.5/5

Let the Right One In

A very quiet and thoughtful little pre-adolescent love story set in 70s Sweden except one of the kids is actually a vampire. This is a well put together film that relies on suggestion for any chills (the sound of blood draining into a plastic container is much more effective than any amount of red goo) and saves the majority its effects budget for just one scene, making its impact all the greater. A thoroughly enjoyable (if quite contemplative) flick with an unusual, and not particularly glamorous, spin on vampirism, it’s worth a look if you can stand the reading. I’d say it’s sort of Lost in Translation in 1970s Sweden. With a vampire.

4/5

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Despite the overtly gay vibe (which sets up some funny if hackneyed jokes) and the severely underage hooker type looking chick this film is as cute and fun as films like this can get without making you want to barf. It's a nice trip down memory labe of those awkward days of dating, dumping and wanting to get into somebody new's pants. It's worth a watch if you're looking for that silly loved up feeling.

The Whackness
Don't know if I reviewed this before, but this is definitely a must watch. Genius coming of age film - original, endearing and sometimes dark.

Paranoid Park
A security guard is accidentally killed in a skateboard park. Not entirely riveting in terms of storyline, but the content is truly breathtaking.

A true cinematic masterpiece - this Gus Van Sant joint is beautifully shot and doesn't cream over itself so much that it loses himself in artsy fartsy bollocks. There's a palpable sense of fear, nervousness and awkwardness in this film from start to finish. Superb acting on behalf of the skateboarding youngling and beautiful camerawork to boot. Nice grungey/contemp feel too. Definitely watch it.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Possibly the best movie ever made in the world - this one will appeal to all of you who enjoyed the more rambunctious and acid inspired side of the Muppets. I watched this in 3-D and it was truly stunning. I laughed my ass off a lot and won in the loudness competition with the 9 year old boy in the row behind me. The unhinged headbobbing of the muppet like characters, the butt clenching of the Mr T type policeman and some properly genius jokes in every nookand cranny, this is definitely a look see for those of you who weren't too impressed with Up, Over The Hedge, Bolt and the other stuff. You will also become increasingly attracted to anything with pepperoni on cheese on it. Simply watch this film NOW.

Top Secret
Simply awesome bygone era screwball American comedy with Val Kilmer acting like a twat and making you laugh. If you liked Airplane and the rest of it you will love this. Seek it out immediately. Set bongs to bubbly!

Wonderful World
Why did Matthew Broderick do this film? Was it so he could get up close and personal with a very attractive black woman for much of the film? Was it so he could show us he can play guitar? Whatever it is, I'm convinced he should not help his nephews make movies after they've watched a unicef advert and had an epiphany. Cos that's what it seems like he's done.

This film draws you in with its watered down, arty, Michael Douglas hates the world a la Falling Down jacket blurb. MB hates the world and the man and via some African immigrants his life is changed forever when some sardines fall from the sky. Cue world music, some lame ass dark continent mumbo jumbo, jerk chicken accents and a colliding of American cynicism with some ethnocentric ham African acting and you have a lame little film that's badly shot and badly made.

Perhaps one of the shallowest movies I've ever seen, this film belongs in a bargain bin somewhere, and should be buried deep deep within it, helping the Dolf Lundgren and Steven Seagal films rise to the top, so as to bask in the glorious light of day.

0.05/5 -
Barf factor - A Navy seal gag reflex workout if ever I knew one

Two Lovers

Why I am destined to watch films that make my eyes bleed? I blame Uranus being in my house during a ful moon BBQ at the fourth quadrant. Goddamn anus planet.

Why A-list celebs insist on acting in films that make for DVD midnight frisbees is beyond me. Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow star in this utterly shit film about a bipolar disordered fatty and over mulleted Jewish Joaquin Phoenix who lives in a run down burb of New York and seems to act like a moody teenager. An utterly pretty brunette and a foxy Paltrow feel the need to throw themselves at bizarrely attractive yet repulsive Phoenix. A strange love triangle emerges where Phoenix seems to like loving both women in his strange and bizarre sort of way. Suicide, dry cleaning and photography are themes.

Paltrow is shagging a very rich Jewish NY Lawyer Jew but makes Phoenix the lusting best friend. Brunette wants to marry Phoenix because she saw him dance with his mum. It all ends bizarrely with some sea water and an engagement ring thrown in.

Please don't watch this fim. I have gone before you and sacrificed hours of myself so some of you may live to watch better films that don't fall into the abyss of utterly poo cinema - unless you like bizarrely sexy depressive films shot in dark and depressing light - and the sight of Paltrow's rather pert breast. *sigh*

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Ewan MacGregor stars as a small-town journalist desparate to get into Iraq who goes on a desert road trip with George Cloony as he tells the story of US 'Psi Research'. All of which is an excuse for George, Ewan, Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges to act out the tales related by Jon Ronson in the book on which the film is based. These tales are bonkers, funny and apparently true. If you can get your head round the fact that the 'plot' of the film isn't that important (or overly fulfilling) and simply enjoy George relating Ronson's words (and telling Obi Wan Kenobi he has a bit of Jedi warrior in him) then you'll have a good time.

3.9/5 - Won't lose anything on DVD

I'll second a recommendation for Top Secret; it is truly fabulous - up there with Airplane in its ridiculous funniness. I was convinced I'd reviewed it but cannot find any reference on the 'Fest.

Interestingly (to me anyway) while searching for Kilmer references I found a review of Déjà Vu that I wrote Jan '06. The thing is, about an hour ago I was looking through some recommendations that included said film and I discarded it as a film that I hadn't seen and wasn't really interested in seeing...which goes to show that either Alzheimer’s starts early or some films are really unmemorable.

Just to help out Jon, you've seen it too.

Don't panic King, you haven't actually seen Deja Vu. Your review was actually my review which you reposted verbatim as an excellent (I thought) deja vu-based joke.

Or did you already know that and you're toying with me? The more I think about it, the more unlikely it seems that you would mistake my clunky prose for your own elucidations.

D'oh!

I was confused and now feel ever so slightly embarrassed that I fell for my own joke...that's what comes of illicit work-surfing.

To be honest I thought the review was perfectly good - I was more struck that I'd given it 7/10 when it sounded like a 3/5...



I will now proceed to pretend that I am that clever and will deny all knowledge of having made any kind of error. This will involve actually renting the film and reviewing it in a strangely familiar way...

I've really enjoyed this Donnie Darko-esque moment. Thank you chaps.

2012

One day, Mr Emmerich went into the Disaster Movie Shop to buy a movie. Mr Emmerich has lots of money and so he could afford to buy any movie that he wanted.

"Hello Mr Emmerich," said the shopkeeper. "What can I do for you today?"

"I would like a disaster movie please. The biggest you have in the shop."

"Well," the shopkeeper said, "let's see what we can find for you. Ah yes, I have a fantastic one here about global warming. The effects really are amazing; there are these huge waves which hit the east coast of America. Very dramatic!"

"No thank you. I've already got one like that, although I have to say I did enjoy those waves...perhaps I will take that one and some of these others too. That one looks good - the one with the plane escaping the huge explosion at the last minute. I'll take three of them. Also those ones about volcanoes, throw in a couple of those too. Oh and that especially bad one about the core of the Earth. Actually, fuck it, just give me everything you've got."

"Hey young man, watch your language! Anyway, are you sure you want all these? Won't it be too much for all those viewers if you have too much disaster in one film?"

"No! This is what the people want! What is the point of a disaster film if it's not bigger than all the others, with more explosions, and worse jokes, and cheesier moments?"


I think that just about covers it.

Actually, despite all of the above being true it still manages to be nowhere near as bad as Armageddon.

Excellent, well done.

I enjoyed that review considerably more than I imagine I'd enjoy the film.

Anyone fancy watching Paranormal Activity and giving us a write up? I would but I'm too scared.

I intend to go and see Twiglet: New Moon with Jess tonight. I think that will be scary enough (though for entirely different reasons) .