I concur in the strongest possible terms.

Perhaps some sort of thread within a thread on our favourite pre-1970 films is called for?

Sorry Gov; no I haven't contacted any sites - but then I'd not know where to start.

Perhaps a 'Classic Films' thread would work: Is The Godfather actually a big pile of poo? Does anyone understand The Big Sleep? Has time overlooked the obvious quality of Hackers?

Monsters Vs Aliens

When a huge meteorite falls on Susan (Reese Witherspoon) on her wedding day she grows into a 50 foot 'monster' and she is quickly captured by the government and interred with Dr Cockroach - a hugely clever, man-sized roach voiced by Hugh Laurie, The Missing Link - a sort of amphibious humanoid, B.O.B - an invulnerable (and pretty stupid) GM tomato-based blob thing (Seth Rogen) and insectosaurus - a giant, giant, easily hypnotised insect. Just as she loses all hope of being let out, Earth is visited by a giant alien probe and the Monsters are let loose to contain the menace.

I saw this in 3D and came out feeling vaguely ill, things close to the audience being slightly out of focus to my eyes, so I'm not entirely sure the 3-Dness really added much to the experience. OK some bits were pretty cool - I did feel inclined to duck on occasion (there were lots of pointy, towards the screeny moments) - but I'm not sure the headache was worth it.

The film itself was pretty good, though I feel I'd need a more comprehensive knowledge of 50's B-Movies to really enjoy it, there being plenty of geeky jokes for the film nerds. Still there was plenty for everyone else and I actually laughed a number of times, mainly at Seth Rogen's B.O.B and Steven Colbert's POTUS in his Dr Strangelove War Room. However, there is a pretty clear demarkation between the jokes for kids and those for their folks; none of the layered comedy of most of Pixar's output, and while this works for a first viewing, I think it'll pale on repeated watches for anyone out of short trousers. I'd put this down as a rent-it and watch with mates title - then you can giggle like children every time someone interrupts an anecdote with "Hail Galaxar". 3/5

Hmm I think I'd be interested to see it once I've seen the film; but besides the interest of seeing the clockwork, do you reckon the film is going to be worth seeing, or will it drive in the nail that X3 placed on the coffin?

(OK that was a bit dramatic - X3 wasn't that bad - it was just utterly uninspired which, in some ways, is worse.)

Wanted

A weedy, oppressed office worker finds out he is the son of a top, super-human assasin and is trained to take on his mantle to defeat someone nasty. Meanwhile Angelina Jolie takes time out from having the make-up department try out new tattoo designs to act slinky while holding a gun.

This film, despite some cool flourishes direct from the comic on which it was based, really is an unmitigated pile of utter, flying-monkey cack. The only reason I can think of for watching it is to see the top of Angelina's ass and her back, thereby enabling you to mentally combine it with her front from Hackers and hence get a good picture of her entire, naked upper torso.

If that has inspired you to seek it out, you really should get out more; smell some roses, read a book, hell, go to a Britney Spears concert - it'd be more mentally stimulating.

There's a plot somewhere about James McAvoy not really being annoying and weedy but actually being annoying and shooty but I couldn't find the energy to care. It's directed with some finesse by Timor Berkatov (Night Watch) but beyond the F*** You keyboard moment I thought the style was wasted on a plot that was based around a loom that literally weaves cloth that tells you the names of people who need to die for the good of...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 1/5


It's been a slow day...

I was mightily pleased to see that you agreed with me on Wanted Kingol:

So many people I know who saw it thought it was ace.

Actually I kinda liked this one, apart from your inner voice telling you that all the "good" mutants should stop taking the moral high ground and just kill the bad guys. then the world would be safe and the innocent would stop dying. Then maybe they could all go and pray for forgiveness somewhere if they felt so inclined, but leaving the bad guys to keep on going is just stupid... In fact the only one that they kill is Deadpool and he came back to life so many times anyway in the comics that's not really as final as it could be.

Enough of the ranting though, I did like the film, the whole double-crossing motif works pretty well, Wolverine getting a pretty shit deal from everyone, etc. And of course there's Gambit, who better be in more of these films cos he's way to cool, even if he doesn't call anyone "Cher" in this one.

PS it has a really pointless (or did I just miss it?) after credit sequence which apart from being set it Japan (roll in Itsu and later, Daken, perhaps?) says and does nothing even vaguely concrete.

The Escapist

It's not often one is able to write the words 'starring Brian Cox' so I think we should savour the moment: The Escapist is a British/Irish-made, lottery-funded, prison-escape movie starring Brian Cox...as long-term con Frank, who is inspired to attempt a daring escape from prison in order to see his daughter.

This is a film for which the editing is about as important as the script as the film intercuts the build-up, with the actual escape, meaning that we get to know the participants as they go. It's all rather confusing to start with as we are thrust into a decidedly British, crumbling, Victorian prison filled with khaki boiler-suited cons and dotted extremely sparingly with the odd screw, rather like we are new inmates. We are introduced to the main protagonists in an almost wordless montage of happenings among the bustling prisoners concluding with the introduction of a new bunch to the traditional rowdy, intimidating welcome. (Apparently most of the extras were ex-cons, one even casually mentioning that he'd been doing just this the week before with the addition of hot tea throwing.) In fact the entire atmosphere of the film is intimidating; a lack of natural light combines with the overcrowded, understaffed, almost mono-chromatic pen, packed with obvious nutbars, to create an oppressive environment in which the prisoners (led by Damian Lewis's Rizza) seem to be running the asylum. Adding to this is the use of minimal dialogue - most conversations are muttered in undertones accompanied by the distant (and unnerving) sounds of clanging doors, buzzers and the odd muffled scream.

The intercut escape is all together different - here the film becomes darker, confused and confusing as subsequent barriers are overcome in an attempt to reach the Underground network. There's good reason for the tonal shift as revealed in an ending which is apparently inspired by a certain short story (though you an I might think more readily of a certain famous soap), leaving the film ultimately open to some interpretation. In fact the film is almost a dystopian sci-fi flick; leaving aside the presence Charing Cross and the South Bank, it's a film that could be set in space for all the lack of windows or identifiable landmarks and claustrophobic tone, the unreal atmosphere giving a feeling of very dangerous fantasy.

The performances are uniformly powerful - Brian Cox is always good value in a film and he takes the opportunity to lead with relish; imbuing Frank with pathos as a quiet, almost unnoticed man, suddenly energised into action, his crumpled face moving from a resigned sadness, through determined anger and back again, without visible effort. The support features a slew of British know-the-face-not-the-name talent; featuring a menacing Damian Lewis, a heavily eyebrowed Dominic Cooper, a twitchy, unpredictable Toby 'not your average horti-fucking-culturist' Stephens and an almost unrecognisable Joseph Fiennes (plus Seu Jorge Life Aquatic fans). All of whom act their little boots off to provide able back-up. Joseph Fiennes is particularly surprising, playing way against type as a hooded, hard-nut thief.

In short this is a prison movie that's up there with Escape from Alcatraz and Papillon in quality, if very different tonally. It's a film in which Brian Cox tries to escape from prison. What more impetus do you need?

4/5

Given that the film version of State Of Play has now reached the cinemas, I am going to reiterate my strong recommendation for the original TV series. It is sheer quality and is available in its entirety on Amazon for just 4 squids. I paid about 7 times that amount for it back in the day and it was worth every penny (and I'd already seen it). For those are allergic to buying DVDs I am willing to lend my set out.

Coraline

Neil Gaiman is a strange and brilliant man: His works are many and varied but most (and particularly his work for children) have a particular sense of the macabre about them - something that wasn't really well captured in the other main big-screen outing of his work Stardust. Gaiman's Coraline is a sot of Alice in Wonderland gone wrong: The titular main character is a bored and ignored girl who finds a doorway to a brighter and more pleasing version of her life. With an Other Mother and an Other Father who lavish her with attention this world seems perfect but for the small detail of the inhabitants having buttons for eyes. Still, all seems well but there is a nagging doubt about the place, reinforced by warnings from her real life and cemented when she is presented with a presentation box containing a pair of buttons...

Henry Selick (the director of The Nightmare Before Christmas) is the man charged with bringing this twisted vision to the big screen via stop-motion; and he has done a bang-up job: The Other world is astonishing in its vibrant colours, all the more vivid in comparison to the washed-out real world, the highlight being a stunning garden filled with snapping snap-dragons and that is in the shape of Coraline's head when seen from the back of a flying praying-mantis tractor. The 3-D aspect is used to immerse the audience in Coraline's world (see the glowing insects whirl about your head, see the tunnel fall away from you) rather than to throw things out from the screen and was much, much better than Monsters Vs Aliens (no headache this time). Coraline herself (well voiced by Dakota Fanning) is at once smart, courageous, grumpy and self-centred (much like Chihiro in Spirited Away really) and so is a well rounded, well animated and fully realised individual. When the tale's true colours are revealed and the whole thing becomes rather frightening and perfectly creepy. Kids'll be having nightmares about buttons for weeks. Personally I'm having trouble forgetting Dawn French's (Miss Forcible) almost naked Bosom...

4.5/5

Go and see it: it really is fantastic.

Get in touch with the movie mags Mikey - call em up from their Editorial Board section in the front of the mags and shoot them off a bunch of your reviews. You'll suddenly be freelancing up to the wazoo (if that's humanly possible).

Deconstructing Harry
Woody Allen usually annoys me with his fast paced and neurotic banter but this film had me glued to the screen not least because within the first five minutes there's a fumbling administration of adulterous fellatio on a family holiday. Aside from that it's actually very cool and funny. It's about Allen, who as a writer with writer's block, is struggling to get the words out but has no problem alienating and annoying all the people in his life whom he ruthlessly exploits in his bestselling novels. Of course it becomes a kejri of half stories, odd situations and comedic scenarios which for once, isn't cringeworthy or annoying.

I don't know how the film develops or ends, but was wondering if anyone else has seen this movie. If you have, can you recommend other Woody Allen films like this one.

Sorry for the half review. Ner.

omg girlfriend...

check out who was the lead in Teen Wolf Too

I had no idea

That is amazing!

Star Trek

Shiny.

or

'I was Klinging to the edge of my "Seat Trek"...'

4/5

(I may get round to a longer review later)

I read a review that said the new McCoy was shit.

They were wrong, I thought McCoy was one of the best, him and Chekov.

I was hoping for more from <del>Welshie</del> Scottie, who was a little OTT. All in all a good romp.

I think they meant Bones was the shit. Cos he was good.

Synecdoche, New York has to be my most-anticipated film for a long, long time.

Hoffman and Kaufman in elaborate mind-bending epic? Yes please!

Star Trek

I enjoyed this a lot. It was fun.

I particularly enjoyed the gleeful dismantling of the Star Trek canon. I don't mind the idea of having a canon which should be adhered to, but the thought of millions of Trekkies sitting through the film watching all that they know about the original characters being changed but being unable to complain because it's all part of the time-travel based plot of the film gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Not that I'm vindictive at all.

I enjoyed it a lot. Especially near the start when he's driving the car to 'Sabotage'. Quality.

I agree; I was trying to express my enjoyment of just that conceit, almost above the rest of the film, concisely but you have done so admirably.

I love the fact that JJ Abrahms has really thought about how to bend the canon to his will rather than the other way round.

Wolverine, however, has gone the route of paint-by-numbers, kitchen sink, fan-boy wish fulfilment; trying to cram as many characters, plot points and references in as possible, ending up where the first film started. Unfortunately this means the film has ended up a confused, unsatisfying mess that consists mainly of two virtually indestructible people whaling on each other. At one point one of them decides to spare the other's life, why? No good reason is given but the fact that they both appear in the next film is writ large over the plot.

That's not to say it's not occasionally fun - if you're into your Marvel-verse you may well get a kick out of seeing Deadpool, Gambit, et al kick ass, but with so many muties shoved in, no one character is allowed to shine: Huge Action is mainly left to glower menacingly/look miserable with his shirt off, while Leiv Schrieber confuses menace with just showing his canines, whoever plays Gambit looks Cajunly pretty through his fringe and Ryan Renolds disappears after 5 minutes having monopolised the screen and reappears later with his mouth sewn up thereby negating most of the screen presence developed.

In the end I wish the director had had some balls; forget showing us the Weapons X program; forget showing us from where the metal skellington came; forget re-hashing a plot straight from a comic-book strand; no-one cares how he got his name, his jacket or his motorcycle - we just want to see him tear shit up and mouth off while he's doing it. Apparently they're doing another set in Japan; let's hope they have the confidence to make it stand alone; let's hope they avoid making it 'darker'; let's hope I don't want to kill myself in despair halfway through watching it.

A bit worse than X3. 2/5

If they follow the story, he marries Itsu, has a son called Dakan and mayhem ensues. Could be fun...

Hmm...maybe, but such a prospect does not really fill me with much joy, even if it still leaves much scope.

I think I'd rather they went for a sort of Yojimbo sort of feel - a man with no past, no ties or responsibilites steps in to solve a problem by playing both ends against the middle, making sure they wipe each other out in very bloody battle.

Angels and Demons

Predictably cack. Though not as cack as the other one.

Oh dear - I'm about to disagree slightly with Govi again...

[deep breath]

Cashback

After a nasty break-up, art student Ben can't sleep and so fills his extra 8 hours a day by working at Sainsbury's, to kill time he spends his shift sketching naked portraits of the unfeasibly pretty female shoppers, a feat made easier by his ability to stop time.

This is actually a film that was expanded from an award-winning short and, while the plot is Rizla-thin, manages to retain the dreamy aesthetic and thoughtful tone that caught the eyes of the judges. I suspect there are many out there for whom the words 'dreamy' and 'thoughtful' are analogous with 'boring' and 'rather perform self-trepanation with a Sainsbury's Basic hand-held drill' but the film chimed with my mood perfectly and I rather enjoyed it: The extended flashbacks to Ben's youth allow the viewer to jump through time just as Ben freezes it and provide some depth to his obsession with beauty and the female form, a fascination that comes to be encapsulated by a world-weary Emilia Fox (as one of his work mates) turning the tale of a self-involved arty type into a (very) gentle love story. However this is certainly not a well-rounded, satisfyingly meaty tale: most of the support is rather two-dimensional; the rest of the staff are sub-sitcom caricatures (as is his sex-obsessed best friend); the plot is barely present and much of the philosophising is cookie cutter at best but the gentle tone and easy laughs endeared it to me. As too (I must confess) did the copious nudity; something that is presented as an examination of natural beauty rather than a display for titillation (which is maybe where they lost Gov ). The camera-work in the frozen scenes is indeed rather cool, as is the fuzziness of the flashbacks, but as Gov implied there's not a lot more there in the way of cinematography - the short being predicated on the suspended animation sequences and the film being predicated on the short.

Ultimately I think this is rather like a burlesque performance: lots of pretty, plenty of tempting, but if you're after heavy action you'd be better off in Stringfellows.

3/5

lol!

Is Gov our very own 'The Tod'?
I'm going to start referring to him as 'The Gov'

Lol

I'm always reminded of Noj when I see The Todd but now you mention it...

Since when did we start using 'lol' on the fest?

Get a grip people.

Just count yourself lucky that we're not doing it in l33t speak

101

Hey hey hey - since when was it okay to question my Todness? This is not the first time I've been compared to the Latin Lothario with frontal lobes shaped like a pair of firm, yet pleasingly squishy mammaries...and I'm not sure I instinctively feel like objecting. High five!

No no no King - Cashback was a massive massive art project gone wrong. Great totty, seeming coming of age philiosphocal ramblings that imitated an echo of perhaps something from The Wonder Years or even Scrubs (now that we're on the subject) but otherwise, um a bit of a bum note.

That aside - I BET you're going to disagree with me on this one.

Synecdoche, New York or Cynic Douche, Blue Work

If you have the guts to watch this movie at the cinema, I would recommend the following:

a) Paracetamol for before you start watching
Cushions to sit on
c) Prozac to stop yourself from auto-suffocation with said cushions when you get to the midpoint of film and you realise there are still 72 billion hours before you can go home and kill yourself with something resembling a meaningfuly sharp object.

To suggest this film is depressing is like saying Pete Doherty is a wanker - the term lacks a universe-sized proportion for describing the depth of what its really trying to get at. Now if you're a rabid fan of Charlie Kaufman you will probably require tissues for this one (and not for the eyes mind you) but for the 99% of you, I'd recommend my list above.

Caden (Seymour Hoffman) is a director/playwright. He is married to Adele (Christine Keener) who is a fabulous artist. They live in New York. And that's where the happy stuff ends. From here on out, the film weaves and bobs with broad sweeps through Caden's ridiculously melancholic overdriven habit for being down on himself, miserable, hypochondriac-like and death obsessed, while also scoping in and out of any worldly sense of reality. Watching this and trying to make sense of each scene is what will probably make you invert your popcorn bucket into a sharp object and attempt to perform a labotomy on yourself and your drooling and wide eyed partner. The film is like being on an acid balloon which speeds you headfirst into dingbat hallucinations of Caden's every day life, which then drops you down into ghastly and morbid reality with the seasawing motion of a suitably well-rowed boat (meaning the pace of the film is alright). Overall you're left feeling a little wobbly, sick and swearing to yourself you'll never do that again.

The story goes on to tell us about Caden's lifelong project which is to recreate his life as a play, but in the sense that he literally recreates it with characters emulating him, his life and friends, as well as his quotidian trauma from being alive. All of this in a set that's literally rebuilt to emulate his city, his streets and the corridors and homes and toilets in which he spends a lot of his time, being um, death obsessed and down on himself. Now don't get me wrong - there's plenty of dark jokes and wonderful examples of savage irony, but to stretch it out this painfully over 3 hours? is to film yourself having a long and arduous wank whilst reading Sophocles with a bit of Mark Twain thrown in for good measure and then putting it on loop for all to enjoy. I felt as though the film was a deep and complex exploration of a man (Kaufman), his life, his work and his ethos brought into one seismic film work for which you'd have to do the research, study the fella and balk at his pièce de résistance with the enthusiasm reserved for oh I don't know...a Terry Pratchett novel made into a cartoon to enjoy it? Like this guy (read salivating moron)

Cynic-Douche Critic

This film would give David Lynch not only a migraine but the sort of acid flashbacks that would make Hunter S Thompson's ashes turn into um soot. Even though there are mad parts which are compelling and drive you on to hopefully make sense of it all, you're left with a haunting feeling - one that could lead to inexorable depression and paranoia, but one that tells you you've been lashed by the weighty thornbrush of ART goddamnit. Synecdoche is a resounding example of work that's appealing to an audience that's ostensibly more erudite than your average Tod or is simply a vanity piece that far too many fear to disagree with lest they don't entirely get it.

Here Come Da Segue (Kind of like a remix and less mechanical)
I just found an art critique about an exhibition called voids. And yes - you guessed it, it's an exhibition of nothing - a large cavernous white walled space with partitions and corridors leading to rooms of nothing. There is nothing on the walls save for descriptions of a selected number of artists' works which were used as spaces or intervals in largers series of work, suggesting some form of statement or pause in their repertoire. So a whole bunch of the 'voids' were um brought together to put on display as a retrospective for art lovers (read complete and utter morons) to drool over in a big warehouse somewhere in Europe.

Synecdoche is a bit like this exhibition - you'd understand more from reading about the exhibition and would perhaps have a better appreciation for the concepts therein, than of the entire visual conglomeration of one unending loop of concepts, nothingness and confusion. And the cherry on the cake is this - the critic censures the curator of the exhibition, not for its towering ability to make the average Tod piss himself that such an exhibition could come to pass in a world where art lovers are expected to have an IQ higher than a half cut off ear, but that his contention for improvement is that the exhibition should have included 'voids' of other important artists - the lack of which made the show all the less impactful. Oh. My. Good. Bloody. God.

Conclusion - when the importance of a desperate need for erudition supercedes entertainment in its visual representation, it ceases to be entertaining for the average Tod. The self-indulgence of this film (and ironically this critique) is where it fell flat for me and made me feel suicidal. I'm glad I watched it only because I remember some of the jokes in it and have the experience of what seemed like a towering homage to someone's knowledge and understanding of their craft and philosophies, but for neither love nor money will I bring myself to watch this again - unless I've read a few thousand tomes on Charlie Kaufman. Amen.

[quote=King,26-May-09, 10:29]
[quote=jonnyploy,25-May-09, 12:57]Star Trek

forget showing us the Weapons X program; forget showing us from where the metal skellington came; forget re-hashing a plot straight from a comic-book strand; no-one cares how he got his name, his jacket or his motorcycle - we just want to see him tear shit up and mouth off while he's doing it. A bit worse than X3. 2/5

[/quote]

King - I have to diagree with you COMPLETELY on this one. The Wolverine mythos is built around everyone wanting to know his past, how he got his name (which um takes a total of 3 minutes to explain anyway) in, surprisingly, a film called ORIGINS so I think that's ok considering the premise of the film and the comic book story. Coff. Also, this was jampacked with action considering it's supposed to delve into his past. As far as prequels go in setting up characters for a blockbusting superhero film with a 2 stuck to it, aside from Spider Man, this has done way better than F4, Incredible Hulk and Iron Man (though I loved Iron Man despite so much back story). Yes Gambit was too pretty and jamming the end with a kazillion diamond skinned hotties and mutant-lings was silly, but hey they have a school to populate. I particularly liked Patrick Stewart's CGI-air-brushed-how-to-make-you-look-32-years-younger-with-techno-botox mug. It was positively plastic. I positively balked at RR's ability to swing some swords and still have energy to go home and ravage his ridiculously bumptious wife before going into make up and destroying that lovely little island. Love it.

Yes I'm a fanboy and I loved the action. ner.

And lol is absolutely and positively reprehensible syntax for festers approaching 30. I should know.

I can easily accept that people out there would be annoyed by the sweet wrapper philosophies in Cashback but I wasn't really taking any of that on board - I just enjoyed the atmosphere.

I can imagine, however, that if I were to accidentally watch Synecdoche I wouldn't be able to ignore the dull, dull ponderings and may have to kill myself and anyone within range. Having said that I haven't seen it so I can't really comment...looks rubbish though.

As for Wolverine you are simply wrong in your conclusions: Of course everyone wants to know about his past but once you show them from whence he comes there is no longer a mythos to enjoy. The point of a shadowy past is that it's shadowy. You remove the amnesiac haze and you remove the allure, the mystique and the fun of conjecture. What you're left with is (in this case) two stabby, snarly men clawing at each other. We didn't need a set up for a '2 film'; X-men 1 did that in perfectly efficient style. Saying that Wolverine did a better job than F4 is like saying it's better to be stabbed to death by monkeys with knitting needles than drowned in the sewage of the Big Brother house: they're both unpleasant and unusual but you end up dead either way. It was all silly but the action was competent and the CG efficient so it's not a completely wasted trip if that's what you're after.

[Didactic mode off]

Ok ok - enjoyment levels are completely subjective. I wasn't exactly watching Wolverine for content and plot so thoroughly enjoyed the explosions and things that came with it. You didn't - fair. But I still contend that this wasn't Wolverine: Shadowy Dark Past Left Intact So You Can Bathe in His Batman Style Obscurity - it was Wolverine: Origin so I would have loved to have seen them pull off such a film without actually getting into his um dare I say it, his origins?

Its like not understanding why Dr Evil hates being addressed as mister, frankly.

Not Mister Frankly, who is say, a little like Mr Frank, but, you get the drift...

And Synecdoche does have its moments of dark humour as I say, but it's a shame its hidden in 3 hours of suicide-inducing celluloid. It might surprise you now that I've slagged it off so much. It's one of those works that needs to be 'appreciated'.

Terminator Salvation

There's a good movie in here somewhere, trying desperately to get out. Doesn't quite make it unfortunately. The film starts off promisingly with a nice action set-piece (including a genuinely stomach-churning helicopter crash). In fact, McG really does a pretty good job of directing this film - particularly given the script that he is battling throughout. He knows how the handle a set piece and there were some really atmospheric scenes.

The word is that this film had extensive rewrites after Christian Bale came on board in order to accommodate the fact that he wanted to play John Connor rather than Marcus Wright. (Wright was role McG originally wanted him for but which was played by Sam Worthington - pretty well it has to be said - in the end). It shows. All John Connor does is give supposedly inspirational speeches over the radio and be rather ridiculously impressed with how vital he is to the future of mankind. Whenever he was onscreen I found myself pining for the real story - that of Marcus Wright and Kyle Reese. I won't be telling you anything you don't already know from the trailer by revealing that Marcus is a terminator who believes he is human (kind of). This storyline is also botched, but at least there are some interesting ideas there.


Among the other superfluous characters, Kate Connor stands out as particularly pointless. Plus she is played by Bryce Dallas Howard, possibly my least favourite mainstream actress. Every time I see her featureless face and those cold, empty eyes I want to scream out in horror at the awfulness of it all. But maybe that's just me. Oh, and 'Arnie's' appearance is utterly utterly ludicrous.

This film was a real waste of an opportunity.

Your point is well taken - I'd just rather they'd left the title at Wolverine, leaving out all the punctuation (never a good thing in a movie title anyway) and gone on from there.

Hmm might leave Terminator Salad Nation for DVD then. No-one has been overly complimentary.

Man on Fire

Stylish but over-long tale of burnt-out marine Creasy (Denzel Washington) who accepts a job guarding a precocious Dakota Fanning and goes on a rampage when she is kidnapped and killed after melting his heart.

Tony Scott throws it all at the screen and is rewarded with a decent actioner hidden in a thoughtful 2 hr 20 minute marathon of a film. Too slow to be a classic.

3/5

Man on Wire

Stylish and true tale of eccentric, French wire-walker (Phillipe Petit) who dreams of walking a wire strung between the two WTO towers and prances about quarter of a mile above the ground when he succeeds after a heist-like set up.

Apparently all 147 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes are positive giving it a score of 100% which tells you a little something about this documentary. It sets up the tale like a heist movie with randomers sneaking & bluffing their way into the WTO, motives unknown, and goes on to fill in the background using interviews with those concerned and copious archive footage, whilst continuing the story with artfully-produced reproductions. However; whilst the tale is amazing it is doubtful that it would be such an engaging film without the presence of Petit - an enthusiastic, unrepentant, magnetic personality who seems to attract people despite themselves. You can't help admiring the man even as you watch him unicycling around the streets like a twat in a top hat...

Well worth seeking out. 4/5

The Hangover

This tale of a Las Vegas Batchelor Party gone wrong doesn't, at a glance, look terribly promising but was actually pretty good: After a quick set-up and introduction of the main characters the film jumps to the morning after where three of the four wake up in their trashed suite and have to figure out why they have a tiger in the bathroom, a baby in the closet and an absence of the groom. In fact the basic outline of the plot is stolen from Dude Where's My Car? but you shouldn't hold that against them. The events become more and more twisted as the film goes on; starting with the sinking feeling when the valet brings an entirely different vehicle to the cherished Merc they arrived in leading up to a hostage exchange in the middle of the desert. The leads are engaging - their banter feeling entirely unforced, Heather Grahame does her best in an entirely under-written role and the presence of Mike Tyson singing along to Phil Collins is rather inspired.
Overall, despite the fact I didn't laugh much (but then that's just me), I felt that this film was actually funny and had more to give on a second viewing - something most recent comedies (Superbad, et al.) have conspicuously failed to do.

Worth a try on a Friday night. 3.5/4

Caught the trailer at the cinema and thought I'd probably catch this conidering I've deftly avoided anything and everything that's been coming out of the mill with this sort of rubrik. But after your review will defo catch it.

The Lives of Others

Don't know if this was reviewed or not, but will keep this short. A beautiful, marvellous and three thumbs up kind of foreign film. Set in the Stasi's Germany of 1984 this is a story about a writer and his 'creative' buddies who all have the desire to rebel against the communist state, albeit with their creative output. Enter a Stasi agent who keeps a close eye on the writer and his gang (sort of spying on them, with them becoming his entertainment and him the hidden audience) only for him to question his hitherto unstinting support of his comrades and country. This film was so beautiful and moving, I watched it twice in two nights. Softly spoken German with powerful and understated performaces from all the leads. I would say watch this if you want your soul stirred a bit and enjoy a strong almost theatrical reinvention of a work on film. Movie magic and one of my favourites for the year.
4/5

Transformers - Revenge of The Fallen

There is a certain childish pleasure in being the first one to post these things. If I am the first, be sure that I'm feeling that like three times more than the next child.

Despite the fact that they put in some pretty mindnumbingly obvious plotpoints and recaps, Megan Fox's lick me tan and slinky body hidden in nothing more than second skin type torn denim shorts and 'oh can you really see my boobs in this?' type tops pretty much makes up for all the terrible bits in the film. That and the fact that if there was anything to complain about in the first film (not enough transformations, not enough Optimus Prime tearing arms off baddies and simply not enough action) this film more than compensates for it - in spades. If you discount the customary scenes for titillating morons (ok I laughed too) and some overstretched character introductions and indulgences, there's enough in here to make you laugh out loud and recoil in your seat as you feel the entire girth of Optimus Prime's virtually Mancunian temperament rain down on the decepticons as if they were from Liverpool (if Mancunians had ten tonnes of ass ripping gadgets to boot.)

For the Tods among us (here's looking at you Dannyboy, Drew and Jonnyboy) every woman below 23 in this film seems to be vying with Megan Fox for attention - and they do it well though she truly does steal the show with her fabulous pouting and ridiculously smouldering sashaying and ducking for dear life manouevres.

Discount the cringeworthy jump through Middle Eastern tourist hotspots as if on a Tardis type tour bus and enjoy the Smithsonian, but most of all, get stoked for the action sequences. I wet myself and I wholeheartedly reccomend that you do too - immediately. Im going back for seconds soon.

Peace out
Govi

Blood

Haven't seen it but just saw a review that proceeded to tear this film apart and then end with a sentence that casts the rest of the report into utter irrelevance:

"But then again, who needs narrative logic if you have a heroine dressed in Japanese schoolgirl uniform, ferociously chopping up demons with a sword?"

I want to see this film.

The anime was pants, but I guess that doesn't invalidate the comment...

Push

In a world of telekinetic 'movers', 'pushers', 'watchers' and 'bleeders', a small group of rogues try to stay out of the clutches of shadowy government organisation 'Division' and bring it down via the medium of a syringe of maguffin that everyone wants.

This film opens with a short but tense introductory scene and a hefty slice of exposition as our hero is given a backstory and the audience is filled in with the mythology behind the concept by Dakota Fanning over the title credits. Once this premise is out of the way the film zips through a first act as Nick (Chris Evans) is introduced to Cassie (Fanning) and they proceed to run through Hong Kong, trying to stay one step ahead of both the G-man and the triads, and meeting a varying array of other powered-up reprobates. Fanning is pretty good in a character clearly taken to edge her into more grown-up roles, enjoying a punky part that enables her to do more than just look sweet/cry; Chris Evans brings a certain detachment growing into reluctant heroism that demonstrates just how wasted he was in the F4 movies; and Djimon Hounsou plays his part to a T as sinister government Pusher Carver, leaving Camilla Belle's Kira unable to make much of an impression.

The second act rather fails to live up to the first as the heroes more-or-less wander about waiting for stuff to happen to them, though this does allow one to appreciate plenty of lingering shots of Hong Kong. The final act is, by contrast, quite frantic as an obscenely complicated plan unfurls before us, plunging towards a satisfying but quite open ending; despite the fact that the fireworks can't quite hide the nonsensical nature of the plan. In the end this doesn't really matter: Director Paul McGuigan has done an excellent job creating a new framework from which to hang a low-budget but satisfying comic book, action film. The casual references to the backstory are tantalising and, while there are plot holes you could drive a house through on closer examination, this is a film that provides an entertaining 100 minutes if you let it get away with it, and could provide a stepping off point for future promise.

As worth a look as X-men but without the bothersome existing mythos or the reliance on CG. 3/5

I also watched Push very recently and agree with the above review. Enjoyable and I think deserving of further development.

Blood

This film was a little bit like King's avatar but with the characters reversed...

I've never seen the original anime so can't comment on how accurate this is. I have heard however that the ending is somewhat different - mainly in the fact that the original didn't really have an ending and this film did...

The production is what you get if you imagine a Japanese version of Buffy (this time called Saya), set in Korea and led by a Chinese actress. Whilst it does have plenty of action I was a little bit underwhelmed by most, apart from right near the end when a flashback scene shows Saya's carer in a rather good 'Flying Daggers' type sequence.

However Saya did indeed wear a navy-style school girl's outfit for most of the film and there was a prevalence of "knicker flashes" as she performed impressive mid-air pirouettes whilst kicking the crap out of reasonably unbelieveable demons. Tart is right - the cgi parts do suck balls but that's not really a huge part of the film.

I do think this could have been done a lot better but it wasn't a bad way to spend an empty evening, entertaining, but wait for the DVD.

2/5

He's Just Not That Into You

Chick flick alert.

Soporific 90 minute whine on the lives of four women who all consistently wait for the phone to ring or for someone to pop the question or for something magical to happen. This entire film revolves around the premise that women all over the world are waiting for that special guy to ring. Lame in most parts with a surprisingly A-list cast, each story caters to women in different stages of their lives and is predictable, hackneyed and simply reshot for the 21st century gal. Scarlett Johanssen is customarily annoying.

Why does Jennifer Aniston insist on playing the role of the miserable girl-next-door who Mr Right won't marry? Beyonce box set for one please.

If you must watch a chick flick, you could do better than this.

2.5/5

I enjoy the juxtaposition of those two 'chick flicks' though quite what govi was doing watching hjntiy I don't know.

PUBLIC ENEMIES

Depp good. Bale bad.

7/10

BENJAMIN BUTTON

Forrest Gump backwards

6/10

I wonder whether Forrest Gump backwards would be better or worse than the travesty that is Forrest Gump forwards...

Not sure I can be bothered to find out.

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

This film is to Transformers what Bad Boys II was to Bad Boys. I.e. exactly the same, but longer (too long) and with ten times the amount of special effects, one hundred times the amount of shouting and a fraction of the coherence.

Still, it's Transformers so I followed Govind's example and wet myself with glee.

My son - when your future spouse, carrying a developing King homonid, is in her third trimester, you'll find yourself doing several scandalous things that are completely out of character - and all seemingly for the pleasure of said wifey.

Even strong men must watch chick flicks....when their life is on the line.

Govi*

Fair enough Gov; I will allow that this is a quite acceptable reason for watching the films I know you secretly love above all others.

HP&TH-BP

Quick placeholder review: A good, solid entry into the canon, possibly the best since Azkaban (but as I can't even remember if I saw the last one and only remember Fleur's swimsuit in the 4th that might not be saying that much). Tone is an excellent balance of humour and impending doom. The kids are finally up to standard (including, interestingly, Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy). The ending is a little troubling...not sure if it works or not, but the rest is good.

3.5/5

I was waiting for the big students v. deatheaters battle with lots of death and destruction. It was a little dissappointing...

Yeah I found the HP ending a massive let down after the trailer. I thought there would be firestorm wielding badassedness (my new favorite word) on a grand scale....not in a pond...