The Spanish Prisoner.

I wasn't all that confused by Infernal affairs; but I suppose I knew the plot before seeing it.

I think you could through any David Lynch film into the pot; Inland Empire is supposed to be off the wall and I know that Lost Highway is virtually inexplicable (for instance Bill Pullman gets locked up in a jail cell and in the morning is Balthazar Getty).

I'd like add Mission: Impossible. I know that, for the most part, it's not exactly quantum, but I could never understand why a Gideon's Bible means John Voight did it. I was probably distracted at a critical moment by Marno and 'manda in the back row...

Also Titanic. Not the plot, just the success.

That would help, but I didn't find the first one that confusing. I say this only because mister S ploy used the word trilogy - I haven't watched the other 2 yet...

Well yes but he also used the words 'any of' and the first was called Infernal Affairs...

So there.

Now that bit of pedantry is out of the way I'd have to add that Spanish Prisoner was confusing while it was going on but tied up nicely at the end...I still think that if we had known that we hadn't missed any essential plot points by missing the first 5 mins and were therefore meant to be completely lost thing may have gone better.

I reckon for a film to be labeled properly confusing you've got to come out of the cinema still without the faintest idea what just happened to you.

Someone help me out with an amusing analogy...

Cats. Okay, not a film, but seriously, what the hell?!

On the Infernal Affairs trilogy (mainly for Tart's benefit) this is a (very) short synopsis)

Part 1 (which you've seen): essentially the Departed, but concentrating on the main scene where they're calling the gangs mobiles at the transaction, finding out who the mole in Sam's gang is etc etc

Part 2: The prequel to Part 1. We see how both moles work their way up through the ranks. It also explains a lot about the relationship between Sam and Inspector Wong, plus the background to the triads gang - which is essentially a family business. The 2 principle actors are different to the actors in Part 1 just to confuse things even more.

Part 3: the most bonkers. The actors from Part 1 come back. Lots of going backward and forward to different periods (mainly post part 1 and pre-part 1). There are continuous twists about who is or isnt a mole. The mole in the triads goes for therapy. Result? He falls asleep a lot.

All worth a watch but they become more bonkers as they go on. You have to be on your toes for Part 3. At the end the mole in the police force tries to arrest himself he is so confused. He's not the only one.

I think I will suggest this topic to Kermode.

Videodrome.

That was a seriously 'wtf' film for me.

the only word to sum up the Spanish Prisoner is:

.....crikey!


Most confusing TITLE of a film, Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind. I still remember asking the girl in the foyer for a ticket to see Spotless sunshine for an eternal mind, or something similar.

Sweeny Todd

Blimey

This is Tim Burton's take on the musical and blimey if it ain't a tad bloody. And gloomy. In fact I came out feeling like I'd been bludgeoned round the head by the same song for two hours whilst staring at a picture of London in the dark. But then that's musicals for you. And Tim Burton.

Having said that; everyone else seemed to enjoy it and it was rather well shot/acted and all the rest. In short go if you like the Musical, Tim Burton, Jack Sparrow in a David Bowie cover band or Helena Bonham Carter's bosom. But f you're just in for the tits, take ear defenders.

3/5

Yes, they tweet so loudly and high pitched it does clatter somewhat upon the ear drums.


Oh and 'No Country for Old Men', I don't get it. But I quite enjoyed it anyway. Would anyone care to explain?

I Am Legend

Not a film review, just thought I'd point out the obvious.

Charlie Wilson's War

An accomplished jaunt through Charlie Wilson's influence on the Soviet-Afghan war, essentially by increasing CIA covert funding. It's written by Aaron Sorkin and well acted by Tom Hanks and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Julia Roberts doesn't have much to do really). It doesn't dwell on the realities of the current situation in Afghanistan and how American money led directly to it, but it does at least mention it in what is essentially quite a light and fun film.

4/5

No Country For Old Men (NCOFM) -

Enjoyed this immensely, mainly due to the fact that I was going to see that one about Danieldaylewis in the desert panning for gold or oil or some lost keys or something.

But no, it's the one about javier bardem popping people off in psycopath mode, with a pretty unwieldy gas cannister in tow. (I think he may have become a psycopath because of his rubbish haircut)

The other main character is also really engaging, a not very famous, matt dillon type looking fellow. He has a coyboy hat on most of the time and moustache that I would love to cultivate above my chops one day.

Tommy lee Jones is good and I think intentionally dryly funny.

The ending is a bit of a shock. so much so, there were gasps of anger, surprise and repeating hot dog in the cinema I was at.

Loren: you are a genius.

There is nothing I don't like about that review: From shortening the title to letters (wrongly), and then never using the acronym, through the description of 'There Will Be Blood' as 'Dude where's my oil? Or keys or something?' and all the way to the hot dog...I am in awe sir. Well done.

I'm personally intrigued by 'coyboy hat'. Headgear made especially for shy lads - will almost completely cover your face.

so, did you actually get it? I think I did - but i'm not sure. I think 'shock' is pretty apt a description for the end.

no I don't think I did. I mean I got the general karma thing. But i'm not sure that was the whole shooting match.

Was there something more?

Apparently it was a book, I want to read it, just so I can make sure that someone can end a book in the same way. Which would be like leaving off the back cover, and just having a thin extra blank page after the last page of text (if you know what I mean mrs walker-to-be, not wanting to give away the film for those who haven't seen it).


Ah yes a coyboy hat, i'm on the lookout for one as we speak.

I don't think there was much more to it than Karma - that's what I was thinking it was about - but some of the story line didnt even match in with that - so I concluded that it was actually all about how a celver wise old sheriff has to admit to himself at some point that he cannot keep up with the dastardly deeds of these days - hence NCFOM!!!????

AVPR just don't even bother, not even if you secretly enjoyed the first one despite it's best efforts. This is pure きんたま.

The Nines
This was interesting, if not a touch bizarre. In fact I think the concept was the driving force for the whole thing rather actually worrying about how to make a story out of it. However they did put some story in, asked lots of questions answered some of them and then had a big unveiling spectactular at the end that felt a bit like an anti-climax. On the other hand I did enjoy it. We start with the story of Ryan Reynolds, whose character has a name I can't remember, who sets fire to some stuff - then, accidently, his house and gets into a bit of trouble.

Actually there's no point trying to give an idea of the story, so I'll plagurise IMDB.



Hmmm, I'm not sure that works, but blame them not me.

Charlie Wilsons War I won't overrule King's review, it pretty much got it right. So thumbs up.

Hitman
Timothy Olyphant shaves his head and runs about in a surprisingly good video-game-to-movie conversion (remember thats a relative statement). Has some quality set-pieces and Tim really makes the most of what he has.

The Nines may have to be added to my list.

Dragon Tiger Gate

A crazy martial arts flick based on a comic, this film charts three guys fighting each other and lots of faceless henchmen for reasons too complicated to even think about in order to do something or other. It was all very stylish with some pretty good CG and wire work that doesn't retract form the skillz on display. The comic-like look of the piece also helps, making this more video game-like than real life (like Ong Bak) and allowing the suspension of disbelief necessary for these sorts of things. The only problem was that there was a bit too much plot; all the fighting is at the beginning and the end. Though at least you don't get battle-fatigue as I did from The Elephant King.
4/5

I was in blockbusters last night and saw that the universally panned 'heroes and villains' starring haileybury's very own Dave Raymond had made it to dvd.

http://www.blockbuster.co.uk/dvd/heroes_an...ains/197124.htm

Imagine my surprise to see the actually positive quotation on the front of the box:

'The next generation of british talent hits the big screen'

Then I saw that the source was Ally Pyle at gq.com.....hmmm, is it possible that Dave knows Ally from his school days?

Juno

Brilliant: sharp, witty, funny, sweet, a brilliant script with top-notch repartee and a great cast.

Go see it. Go now.

4.5/5

You are such a stinge. It's a 5 if you're a non pedant or should a I say, less picky?

Get in!

Rambo

Someone at work asked me if this was awful or quite entertaining. I said both.

At the start we meet Rambo himself in Thailand doing what I can only describe as sulking like a teenager ('f*** the world' is a typical line) - presumably because the Vietnam war ended before he'd finished killing people.

After a spot of cod philosophy and a couple of conversations which reminded me of the dialogue in Team America: World Police, he takes some Christian doctors/missionaries into civil war-ridden Burma on his boat. They get themselves kidnapped, so he accompanies a group of mercenaries into the Burmese jungle to try and rescue them. The mercenaries include what is Hollywood's idea of a typical Brit these days ('it's a right royal cockney barrel of monkeys', 'bosh', 'muppet', 'blow the bloody doors off', etc.) and just about one example of each ethnic group you could think of off the top of your head.

Cue violence. Lots and lots of violence. This film is awash with severed limbs and popping heads. Throats are torn out (with bare hands), bombs explode and Rambo takes out around 100 people with an anti-aircraft gun.

In any normal film, given the same set up, one would expect the film to end with Rambo being convinced that the 'Christian' way of talking rather than fighting has merit. However, this being Rambo, it is basically the opposite. Rambo convinces the previously pacifist group that the only real way to get things done is to kill as many people as you can.

I think it's worth a look, but not if you object seeing Rambo firing an arrow through someone's head.

Ploy - Indiania Jones looks epic! Just going to the site and hearing the music again...brilliant.

Indiana Jones does indeed sound a bit of a corker, as does the proposed new terminator trilogy, starring Christian Bale as John Connor.

I went and saw the film 'Bank Job' at the weekend and here is my Barry Norman type effort, or Norman from Barry, you decide:

Bank Job (or BJ for short, ooer!)

It's based on the supposedly true story of a group of low grade dodgy types pulling off a raid on a bank in the 70's. Unbeknownst to most of the gang, they are also recovering some photos of national importance for MI5/MI6/MFI on an unofficial 'if any of your team are captured, the US will disavow all knowledge' deal.

and so on...

Jason Statham is in it as the leader of the gang, and gives a nuanced performance of a man, trying to come to terms with his spartan existence in the world..... well actually no, he just does his usual, 'bish bash bosh, birds and booze, luv it' sort of performance.

Theres some other people who i've seen on tv in various things like the bill and eastenders, but no big hitters, apart from David Suchet, who plays a ganglord.

erm whilst writing this review, i've realised that the film is pretty forgettable, apart from the first few minutes of the film which is full of shots of half naked ladies...

so 3/5 I think. Wasn't bad if you need to go out anywhere to avoid sitting at home inhaling the fumes from your newly painted skirting boards.

Jonnyboy - you went to see Rambo??!? Eh?!!

There Will Be Blood

Fecking ace - go and see it now. It blew my head off.

The advantage of having an unlimited card is that you can go and see films that you wouldn't usually bother paying for. Obviously you have to draw the line somewhere - I won't be posting a review of the new Hannah Montana film for example.

It was that bad was it JB?

Jumper

A bit pants.

Hayden Christenson proves that the Star Wars films were not a one-off; he is actually that cack.

Everyone else does okay with the the material with the exception of Jamie Bell who actually does pretty well. He really should have been the lead (his character is much more interesting).

Wouldn't bother.

Vantage Point

Enjoyable and fast paced. Dennis Quaid does his usual Harrison Ford-esque 'man under serious amounts of stress' thing (why he isn't every bit as successful as HF is a mystery to me) and everyone else performs admirably.

You can see the twist a mile off and once you get out of the cinema you realise how totally ridiculous the whole thing is, but if you treat it as just a bit of fun then it's basically like watching a slightly longer episode of 24.

Juno

This has already been reviewed perfectly well by King so I'll keep it short.

Funny and sad and leaves you with a warm feeling inside. Absolutely loved it. Everyone should see it.

Once
This Dublin-set tale tells of a guy, who spends his spare time busking, meeting a girl, a Czech immigrant, who encourages and helps him record his songs so he can take them to London and try his luck on the music scene. It's a platonic love story set to a crappy acoustic guitar; at times cliched and always low-budget, it is, none-the-less, a warm-hearted, bitter-sweet triumph of a musical*: The songs are fantastic; they were written and performed by the stars (Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová) and, despite the fact that his only previous experience was as Outspan in The Commitments and it's her first acting job, the performances between them are perfectly judged.
4/5

*When I say musical I don't mean everyone bursts into song at the drop of a hat - it's just that there happens to be a lot of whole songs in it - being performed by the actors...it's 60% music and none the worse for it.

Nelly et Monsieur Arnaud

I watched this on telly a couple of weeks ago as I hadn't seen it before and it stars Emmanuelle Beart (you know her - the foxiest woman ever to have walked the earth, with lips so luscious they make Angelina Jolie look like she has two matchsticks about half an inch under her nose).

It's very good. Nothing much happens really, but in an interesting way. The only thing that really annoyed me and the reason that I am bothering to review this on here is that Emmanuelle Beart's character is supposed to be typing up the memoirs of Monsieur Arnaud but Beart herself plainly can't type to save her life. This would be fine if she could pretend to type, however she gives the least convincing impression of a touch typist I have ever seen. Sometimes she looks like she is trying to play the piano, the rest of the time it looks like she is trying to knead dough with her fingertips. Once I noticed it there was no escape and I was constantly distracted by her weird hand movements every time she was sitting at the word processor.

Not sure why I told you all this other than because I'm bored and as a feeble attempt to open up a new conversation thread.

Not weird at all, I have the same sort of problem with actors who are supposed to be driving. The road seems to be straight, but they still saw away at the wheel, as if completing a lap around Monaco.

On films, my cousin showed me the preview for the remake of the Incredible Hulk, which was only out in 2002 or something!!! With Edward Norton as Dr Bruce Banner. Seems like a slap in face for all those who were in that other one really.

Saw that trailer too. It's a sequel though, not a remake. Although I think that they have basically ignored the first one. Fair enough really as it was complete toss.

I thought the first one was thoughtful and provocative - a profound essay on the themes of anger and lost innocence within the heart of man.

And complete toss.

Concur - complete toss as well as agonisingly drawn out and boring. Brunette chick nice to look at though.

I just watched The Bucket List. Don't ask why, but in summation, unless you're old and into seriously gay and obvious box office pairings for old people, don't watch it.

Son of Rambow

A young boy, raised as Plymouth Bretheren, accidentally falls in with the school bully, sees a film for the first time (Rambo naturally) adn sets about helping to make their own film inspired by the disturbed Vietnam vet. Meanwhile crazy eighties shit happens.

I saw Newsnight Review being incredibly poncey and snobbish in more-or-less dismissing this film as too nostalgic and without any real message and it annoyed me. It annoyed me even more when, after seeing it for myself, that I had too agree: Damn you Paul Morely! Soon I'll be moaning that the Bounre Trilogy may well be very exciting, well shot, well acted and well scripted but what philisophical message does it send about the nature of violence in today's media? (Shudder.)

Don't get me wrong; the film is enjoyable; the two leads give great performances of father-less boys looking for something more than their families can give. Whilst they're making their film and becoming firends it's great. Everything else, however, seems a little undercooked - Jessica Hynes has almost nothing to do but look faintly worried and the Eighties madness at school could have done with being less awe-full and a bit more awful: At one point the kids are let into the Sixth Form Common Room which turns out to be a happening, panel-boarded, romantic-filled club with bangin tunes and co-ordinated dances...if it was a panel-boarded, romantic-filled tip with scruffy sofas and a beat-up stereo it probably would have been nearer the mark.

Anyway: not bad, just not that great. 3/5

Michael Clayton

It's hard to define this film really; it's a bit like John Grisham without the thrills (or the courtromm if it comes to that), Erin Brokavich from the huge company's lawyer's point of view. That doesn't mean it's bad (it's not, it's quite good), but if you're looking for a courtroom thriller or a small-town-lawyer-against-huge-corporation-based-on-a-true-story type film, this ain't it. There are elements of both in the film but the story choses to concentrate on George Clooney's character, Michael Clayton (surprisingly enough). A sort of fixer for his law firm, Clayton is the lawyer they drop into a situation to clean it up before it becomes a freestanding ventilation/feacal interface senario. This time his friend and leading lawyer on th U/North case breaks down and removes his clothes in a deposition, setting off a chain of events that leads to Clayton's car exploding and frightening some horses.
The film is surprisingly quiet and grey and slightly tired most of the time - reflecting Clayton's state of being, and you have to pay attention or you'll be lost. It's well acted by Clooney et al, and is well worth a look.
3.9/5

I too saw Son of Rambow (SOR) and have to agree with King and Newsnight.

I did enjoy myself for the duration, mainly due to the little flashes of inspiration throughout, like the french exchange student popping up throughout - 3.3/5.

Saw the Hulk trailer again, there seems to be a bad grey hulk geezer now in this one, that our Ed has to turn into the Hulk to fight and save the world etc.

I don't remember that in the tv show...

Street Kings
It's been a while since I thought of going along to watch Keanu on the big screen (Matrix Reloaded) and since A Scanner Darkly, thought this would be a good and mindless lead fest.

Surprisingly, the film keeps you guessing all the way through. A fair few twists sprinkled all over, a decent plot, and in between lots of shooting and roughhousing, this film is intelligent and good fun.

They've packed in loads of stars all over the place and some great acting by Keanu and Forest Whitaker. Hugh Laurie is menacing but on the periphery of the plot, somewhat wasted in his role as the good guy/bad guy...guy. The ending is a bit pants but well worth the ride. Good big screen fare.

3/5

PS - Found Michael Clayton to be another story we've all been told before. Like American Gangster, I found it difficult to get past the 'we've been here before' feeling. Found it even more strange how Ice Queen woman won an Oscar for her performance in this. She was good, but Oscar?? (see how surprised she looks when she wins).

Iron Man

Go see it.

There's a scene after the closing credits.

I concur; it's geat fun - R Downey Jr is excellent ad everything whizzes along at a healthy pace. CG's good and all.
4/5

Of course if you're not into the Marvel it's probably not for you...

I have to agree - Marvel's best output (not including SpiderMan) so far I think. They got to the point and showed us the gizmos, action and the ladies. Nice.

21
Smug, annoying bunch of kids all learn how to beat 'the system' at blackjack courtesy Kevin Spacey. Interesting screenplay albeit cheesy in parts, eye candy great, but overall a slightly unconvincing finish though not unpleasing twists. Worth watching on DVD. 3/5

The Air I Breathe

Great cast and although reminiscent of films that try to do a lot of the several characters, creepy coincidences 'Steel Magnolias' schtick, I quite liked this film. Good for catching with the ladies, it's simply an entertaining and sem well thought out film. 3.5/5

I Am Legend

Gay Bob Marley hidden meanings bugged me, but yes I did get scared. I also want a body like Will Smith. 2.75/5

Cloverfield

Blair Witch meets Godzilla meets I Am Legend. Highly entertaining and keeps your interest all through the film even though you wonder why the f*** anyone wouldn't put his handycam down to save his own life when the city is under siege by horrid little alien type things. Quite enjoyable as there's no happy ending either. Nice. 3.5/5

Films I am excited about:

Indy 4

The Dark Knight (new trailer is fecjing awesome)

Red Belt

I must watch Speed Racer - the trailer got me all sexcited!

Indy goes without saying, Dark Knight looks scarily awesome, Speed Racer looks like someone had an accident with some LSD and a disco ball and I've never heard of Red Belt.

Red Belt:

'A fateful event leads to a job in the film business for top mixed-martial arts instructor Mike Terry. Though he refuses to participate in prize bouts, circumstances conspire to force him to consider entering such a competition.'

Written and directed by David 'The Spanish Prisoner' Mamet.

Starring Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Ticks lots of boxes.

So what you're saying is that the film is a remake of the Karate Kid except with an actor who can really act and the director of 'Glengarry Glen Ross'


Crikey.